ask me anything: how can we use style as a form of self expression and also not buy all the things?

The next round of my group program, Making Space, is open for enrollment, but only for one more day! We start on January 17th. We’ll meet on Wednesdays at 12pm eastern for 8 weeks (except for 2/28), from 1/17/24-3/13/24. The cost is $797, but use code LASTCHANCE to get $100 off.

The last time I asked for questions on an AMA (ask me anything) thread, there were three that were essentially all asking the same thing:

how can we use style as a form of self expression and also not buy all the things?

Here they are in the questioners’ words: 

Q #1: Do you have any resources to share for those of us who are hoping to reconcile feelings of wanting to express ourselves through our clothing and a tendency toward impulse shopping? I find these 2 things to be constantly at war in my brain--an "oh, you need this new thing to express your personal style" versus "shop your own closet and be happy with the great stuff you already own" dynamic. I know this is a complicated one.

Q #2: How do we know when we have acquired enough, when we can stop looking for the next right sweater, stop anxiously anticipating end of season sales, stop feeling the need to give our wardrobe a facelift? You once asked that we consider whether we actually have enough time in a season to wear all that is currently in our closet. I have a daily rotation that could be considered a loosely thrown together capsule wardrobe but I'd like it not to be as I'm bored with it. Hence continued shopping. Perhaps the trouble is more a slight dissatisfaction with the style I've crafted for myself? How does one tease out the proper answer?

Q #3: I know what I like but instead of putting together outfits I keep purchasing and not wearing what’s in my closet, so many pretty clothes and yet I can’t find my style. I have to be able to wear what I have.

A: I feel this so deeply, because getting dressed and playing in my wardrobe and just thinking about clothes is fun for me. It’s my hobby, my form of self expression, how I would use my free time if/when I have some, and how I use my disposable income. Some people buy craft supplies, some people buy sports equipment, I buy clothes. As I’ve mentioned before, I am in the middle of a style transition myself. I am definitely conflicted about the fact that making this shift means I will be getting rid of many of my clothes and replacing them with new ones. 

I think the biggest piece of advice I could give here is that planning your wardrobe and adding to it to create a new style doesn’t have to mean you make mindless impulse purchases. There are even ways to play with style that don’t require money. 

It should go without saying, but you must have some visual inspiration. I spend hours curating my Pinterest boards and usually create a new one for every season. Play dress up and try to put together 5 or 10 outfits you’ve never worn before. Recreate outfits from your style inspiration with things you already own. If there’s something you’re not sure will work for you, find a secondhand version so that you’re not investing much money. Continue to collect inspiration but don’t act on it right away. Let it sink in. Let yourself process.

@mindfulclosetThis is the kind of stuff we talk about in Making Space. Link in bio to join. P.S sorry for the blurry camera on this one! #styleinsteadofshopping #restyle #consciousconsuming #shopyourcloset #styleover40

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When I buy to express my style, it’s something I’ve thought about and planned out. If there are things I don’t own that I think would make a major impact on my style, I write them down on my wish list. Then I shop (but I don’t buy yet!). As I find those items out in the real world/internet, I save the specific items to my Pinterest wish list (as you can see, I do this for home decor as well). I look for the item secondhand first. If it’s not to be found secondhand, I’ll finally make the purchase. I’ll reserve my judgment for when the item arrives at my house. If it’s not what I envisioned, I return it. If it lives up to what I imagined, then and only then I’ll add it to my wardrobe.  

In order to pay for these new items and to also keep them in the circular fashion economy, I resell as much as I can. When I sell something, I have hope that it will get used, maybe for someone else’s style transition. 

As far as knowing when we’re “done”, the ideal amount of clothing in every person’s closet is going to vary. Some will be happy not to have to make decisions and only have 40 items, some live in four seasons and enjoy variety and will want 4 times that much. Some will have walk in closets, some have little storage. 

However, I like to just think about actual numbers when considering what’s enough. How often do you think it’s acceptable to repeat outfits? Once a week, once every two weeks? And how often will you wear that type of item during that time frame? For example, if you’d like to have two weeks of work outfits (ten outfits) before you repeat something, and you like to wear dresses three times a week, then you only need 6 dresses for work. You’ll probably have a few for other occasions as well. 

You can also think about how often you do laundry. If you do laundry once a week, and you’re wondering how many pairs of jeans you should have, if you don’t repeat any, you only technically need 7 before they’re all clean again. 

Lastly, I like to rank items in order of preference. Let’s take jeans again - so you have 7 pairs. Rank them in order of preference. You really only wear numbers 1, 2, and 3 on repeat. Numbers 6 and 7 on the list are going to get used very rarely, if at all, and can probably be let go without you missing them. 

While I completely understand that many of you will always want a bit more variety than some of the examples above, I also know that none of you want to waste money on clothes you don’t wear when their production is so harmful to the environment. I do really believe that tightly curating a selection of pieces can really give you a lot of data about what you really want to be wearing and can be a valuable tool for developing your style. If that interests you, just try it for a short time, no commitment required! Here’s my guide for creating a capsule wardrobe from clothes you already own. 

For the question asker above - if you’re dissatisfied with your capsule, it sounds like it may be a combination of a couple of things. The first being the understanding that you may be someone who needs a bit more variety. That’s totally fine! But second, it sounds like you may need further style exploration and to undertake the steps I listed above. Pause the cycle of shopping until you have more clarity. I hope this helps! 

Here are a few more quick questions and answers for paid subscribers on replacing underwear, finding style inspiration, and hair and makeup aesthetic choices: 

Q: Random but how often do you “restock” or update your underwear? I got a lot of new undies back in 2020 and decided to only get cotton going forward. And just recently I realized that it’s been three whole years and that I need an upgrade. Having pretty and comfy undies is important to me. Is it for you too? I thought when I was younger that having “adult undies” only meant having sexy underwear or lacey ones. But the older I get the more important it is to have proper fitting undies and while not “granny panties”, I do like pretty, comfy, cotton panties. No more things, polyester or too much lace for me.