(this wasn’t on the schedule for today, but there are a few things in my life taking up my mental capacity right now, so here’s another one from the vault. originally published 6/9/21)
On a recent podcast interview, the host asked me how I came to my current feelings around body acceptance. Until that point, I hadn’t really traced back the evolution of my thoughts. Many people who do this kind of work do it because they struggled with their own issues and worked through them. After coming out on the other side, they wanted to help others do the same thing.
That’s not my story.
It feels strange to say, but aside from the past year (editor’s note, now years plural) I personally have not struggled that much with body image issues. Like most women, I’ve had issues here and there, but growing up in a body that was generally accepted by the mainstream at least meant that I didn’t have to deal with judgements or criticisms from anyone outside of myself.
If you’ve been here from the beginning, you’ll know that when I started mindful closet, I was focused on minimalism. I felt like we were all drowning in stuff, and that’s partially true. But over time, I worked with hundreds of women, seeing them emotionally and physically naked. Going through the backstories of the clothes they held onto for decades, I saw the same thing holding them all back. And it was how they felt about their bodies.
The women I worked with weren’t able to become minimalist or anything close to it because they felt bad about their bodies. Because they weren’t able to accept that it was ok for their bodies to change throughout their lives, they felt that letting go of those old clothes would somehow signify giving up. On shopping trip after shopping trip, I saw that if women had permission to buy clothes that fit and felt good on their current bodies, they were able to give attention to more important things.
How does body acceptance relate to minimalism?
If you can accept that it’s ok for your body to change, you can let go of all the stuff you’ve holding onto because you thought you had to contort your body back into some past version of yourself.
If you’re not buying clothes for some fantasy life or body, you’ll naturally buy less. You’ll only buy things because you like them and they work for your life and your body as it is now.
If you trust and respect your current body, you’ll naturally want to clothe it in only things that make it feel good and you’ll have higher standards for the things you allow into your wardrobe.
So body acceptance has slowly become my focus. This is fully a goal that can never be achieved in our current society. But if we can work toward it, the rest will follow.
If you’d like to talk about how you can work toward body acceptance through the lens of your wardrobe, book a free 15 minute clarity call to talk about what that might look like for you.
P.S. Reading has always been my entry point into new ideas. Here are a few of my favorite books on this topic (these are affiliate links and may earn me a small commission if you purchase through them).
Having decluttered not only three closets, but also kitchen, living room, and bedroom, I have been considering what the practice of minimalism involves. Decluttering has helped me focus on a simple, uncomplicated way of living. According to Practigal, "The concept of simple living is based on the idea that material possessions and consumerism do not bring happiness and fulfillment. Instead, it emphasizes the importance of relationships, experiences, and personal growth." While the main focus of minimalism is (if I'm correct in my understanding) ridding oneself of excess, I found that in accomplishing that, minimalism is a mere stepping stone to the much broader concept of honoring who I want to be, how I want to live. As I embrace this knowledge, I get why women - me included - resisted accepting minimalism as the one true answer. Life is bigger than our possessions. Focusing only on things/clothes precludes focusing on self. What I held onto in my closets was a symptom of what I held onto in my mind. Breaking free from fuck-me pumps meant accepting I'd drank my last alcoholic drink, kissed my last hook-up, and understood that 65 is not the new 45. 65 is 65 without shame and apology. Freedom. This growth process began long before I entered Mindful Closet. (Art and therapy save lives. In that order.) I am glad I am here with all of you as I make stronger acquaintance with my body and myself. Looking at my spring/summer closet, dresser drawers, kitchen counters, and bookcases gives me tingles. That I took a step toward a simpler life meant taking a step deeper into self-love, including love of this perfectly flawed body. Am I always on point? Nope. Do I sometimes look in the mirror, push up my bare boobs, and imagine perky breasts? Yup. Do I remember the Sex in the City episode depicting repulsion at naked and wrinkly butt cheeks? You bet. Do I look sideways to see just how far my belly protrudes? Every single morning. Do I dress to slay? Damn right. Whenever the spirit hits me. These days it hits often.