reframe the hassle of shopping online
and a few tips on how to do so
Here’s a question I got recently when soliciting for AMA questions:
“I’m an irresponsible online shopper when it comes to clothes because I am terrible at returning things. I'm a sucker for a sale so I'll often buy sale items but then they don't work out. I don't know what my roadblock is to sending back (not much free time or easy access to USPS/UPS stores to make drop-offs, unwillingness to give up on items?). I've told myself I should stop online shopping except for tried and true items from brands I know will fit but that seems like not a fun option and not realistic in the long term. Would value your insight or tips on streamlining & decision making for online purchases, making timely returns, and how you triage clothing not worth keeping.”
Online shopping has slowly become the only way to shop for many women. If you deviate from any of the ideal body norms (and really, who doesn’t?) such as larger bodies, shorter bodies, taller bodies, you won’t find options in stores near you. However, the online shopping process can be really daunting. I’ve come to prefer it, so here are a few ways I’ve streamlined the process.***
My best tips for shopping online:
Stay organized. Do you have carts filled and browser windows open all over the place? As in my mindful shopping process, you want to work from a list and look for one thing at a time. When you find something that you’d consider trying on, instead of filling carts across the internet, save all the items in one place. I’ve created a board on Pinterest called “wish list”, and I save everything there. After you’ve collected enough options, you have it all corralled in one place and can make calm decisions about which items you actually want to order.
Always order more than one size. We can all use our measurements and size charts to attempt to get into the ballpark of our correct sizes, but as we know with the current mess that is unstandardized sizing, that’s just a shot in the dark. We still need to order more than one size. If you feel resistant to this, think about every time you’ve ever ordered just one thing and it didn’t work out. You have to go through the whole process of ordering and returning just to try the next size. Every time this happens, you’ll get a little more discouraged and less likely to keep going to find the thing that will work for you. Reframe this whole process of online shopping as bringing the dressing room to you. You wouldn’t go into a dressing room with one item (at least I wouldn’t!). You’d take anything you’re interested in and in a couple of sizes as well. Go into the process knowing that you WILL be returning items, just like you wouldn’t buy everything you take into a dressing room. Since you know you’re going to be making a return, it doesn’t matter that you’ll be ordering 2 sizes of 5 different pairs of pants.
Don’t commit until you’ve tried it on. One of the most common hurdles people tell me they face with online shopping is that they aren’t able to touch or try on the clothes before buying. Well, of course not, that’s what ordering it is for 😜. Just because you’ve ordered something doesn’t mean you’re automatically going to keep it. When it arrives, THAT’S when you touch it and feel it and try it on. That’s when you make the decision. It’s always surprising to me when I hear from someone who didn’t actually like the thing they’d ordered, but they’d bought it so they felt obligated to keep it. Think of the money you’ve spent on the online order as a deposit on things that you’re just going to try on and then get your deposit back for. As for trying on, I like to wait until all the packages have arrived and then find a space in my schedule that allows me time and space to relax.
As for decision making, go with your gut. Stop making excuses for the item like “well, it might work if I pulled it up here” or “if I just got the perfect top to go with these pants, they might work…” Keep your standards high, and also (I know, annoying) don’t be too picky. Sometimes you have to go with the best version available.
Reframe the returns process as the tradeoff for not having to go to the store. It can feel like a hassle, but it’s really no more hassle than shopping in person, and in my opinion, worth it for not having to go to the (bright, loud, crowded) store. Shipping fees? Like gas for the trip to the store. Boxing up returns? Easier than making the trip to the store for returns.
A few logistical tips: Pack up all the returns at once. Try to schedule the returns in your calendar just as you did for the try on session. Find the easiest process for returns. If you work in a building that has mail pickup, take your packages to work and drop them there. Learn how to use the USPS’s scheduled pickup option (they literally pick it up from your door). Enlist a friend to hold you accountable for the returns.
There’s obviously a lot more to think about and tips that I’d love to show you instead of trying to describe with words, so I’ll be repeating my Stress Free Shopping Workshop on September 15th at 1pm ET. We’ll talk about how past experiences have shaped your present frustrations, realistic expectations for shopping, how to make sense of sizing, and I’ll answer your questions live. You’ll also receive access to my retailer spreadsheet, a living document that can be sorted by size and price range, and that has only previously been available to those at the Substack founder level. Please join me!
***This post has many, many disclaimers. This process may not work for you. Like any advice you see on the internet, you have to be realistic about what works for you. Just because it works for me doesn’t mean it will work for you. You may not have the financial resources to order multiple items at once. You could try programs like Amazon’s try before you buy or use programs like Klarna that split up payments, but I don’t know all the ins and outs of these programs, and that’s your responsibility to figure out. You may live in a place where you can’t receive packages. You may know that no matter what, you’re just not capable of making returns. I am not responsible if you make a bunch of purchases and then don’t return them! Check return policies and do what you have to do to make sure you make them.
What has always helped me with my returns if doing them with someone. So early on that was my mom. Now it’s my partner. When I was single I would call a friend and that helped too. It’s generally called body doubling for neurodivergent people. Just having someone there helps me do the thing.
I’ve also found useful to do a « down the middle » solution when I don’t trust myself to do the hassle of returning thing, is order via click & collect - so I will go in store to pick my package, do the trying on site and return / get refund in store immediately for what doesn’t work. I used this a couple of times for bulky items (Nike puffer coats for example) so that I didn’t have to deal with huge boxed to schlep back to the post office (was very burnt after having to return a huuugge box of puffer coats a few years back. Never. Again. 😅) Also if I do do have to do some returns and body doubling is not an option I will make a first pit stop for a nice treat (like go get coffee somewhere near the post office that I like) and then it will frame the return trip as « oh well might as well drop by the post office on my way back from the coffee shop). Oh and also I rule out any site that doesn’t have a huge return window…