style AMA: shopping on a budget

and can you have multiple styles?

Q: I would love to start from scratch with my wardrobe but I can’t afford a spree. Do you have any tips on transitioning into a more authentic style when budgeting is a factor?

Yes, I have tips. I have so many tips I don’t know where to start. 

It’s interesting, budget and money is something that I think about and work around a lot in regards to my personal wardrobe (you don’t normally see me sharing multi-hundred dollar items), but I hadn’t realized I don’t talk about it much on social media. So, thanks for the question and letting me share all of this. 

First of all, I hear you. I fully understand this dilemma. I grew up without a lot of money. All my clothes were hand-me-downs, except in special cases, when they came from the Sears clearance rack. For many years, I was a freelancing classical musician. When I transitioned into a 9-5, it was for a very-non-profitable non-profit. If you’ve been there, you know that that means you’re doing the job of at least three people, and underpaid for that. Even though many people in my current field spend thousands of dollars on “investment” pieces (which isn’t a thing), that’s not me. Fifty to sixty percent of my wardrobe is secondhand, and that’s mostly because of budget, not environmental concerns, although it does make me happy to know that I’m shopping sustainably in those cases. 

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

There are a few things I’d start with, before you even get to buying anything. 

First, I always want to ask people to reflect on their budget. I absolutely know that there are many of us who truly have little to spare for clothing, and that might be you. I also know that there are many of us who might spend money on other things they’re not keeping track of and which might be shifted to a clothing budget, and that also might be you. How much are you spending on clothes and toys for your kids, if you have any? How much are you spending on takeout coffee or getting your nails done? I could care less if that’s where you spend your money, but you just have to make sure that your priorities match your spending. If your current priority is your wardrobe, and you could let go of a couple of small expenditures each month, you might end up with enough to buy one or two affordable items.

Make sure you really have your style pinned down. Save as many images as you can on Pinterest, or Instagram, or TikTok, or even just in your phone or on your desktop. Make sure that they are clearly organized and not cluttered up by things you liked in the past. 

Next, go through your current wardrobe. What items did you buy and then never wear? How much money have you spent on things that didn’t work out? Spend some time reflecting on why. Was it something itchy, ill-fitting, only purchased because it was a bargain, not your current style, or something you were “influenced” into? The more you’re aware of these habits, the less money you’ll waste.

Make a shopping list. What exactly do you want to add to your wardrobe? Be specific. Order your shopping list in priority order. Is there any budget at all? Like $20 a month? Start saving for the first thing on your list. You’re going to be patient and work slowly. You might do some shopping, but instead of buying, add the items to a Pinterest board called “wish list”. 

Start shopping. As you’ve probably seen, I’m in the middle of a style transition as well. On a recent trip I took to thrift (yes, more about that to come on IG and TT), I ended up with 13 items and spent $116. When you get to the stage of actually buying things, the first go-to method for building a wardrobe on a budget is to try secondhand and thrift stores. I’ll have a post with tips for thrifting coming soon, but the most important thing is to know exactly what you’re looking for so you don’t get overwhelmed by the insane amount of random stuff surrounding you. 

Here’s an example - I’ve been collecting new inspiration for a while and one of the things that was on my wish list was a pair of pleated trousers. When I last went to Savers, I looked only for pleated trousers. Any that looked like a possibility, I put in my cart to try on. (Thrift tip: I wore biker shorts that day so that I could try pants on over them. Our local thrift stores all permanently removed their dressing rooms during Covid.) I got lucky that time and found exactly what I wanted, but usually it takes me a few weeks and a few visits to find what I’m looking for. 

If because of size availability or the physical demands of thrifting, shopping in person isn’t an option, try online secondhand shopping (if you’re plus sized, check out my friend Maura’s shop). When you know specifically what you’re looking for, it becomes easier to search. If you’re worried about not being able to return something, you should be. As much as possible, try on items from that brand or even the exact item you’re looking for so that you know definitively what size you need. I especially love trying new things on in a store when possible, and then looking for that exact item. I’ve had many pairs of Madewell jeans over the years, and they were all purchased secondhand after going into the store to figure out the size I needed. I’m currently stalking a specific style of Madewell blazer (the Caldwell in tan). If you don’t know the exact item you’re looking for, you can also shop by searching for something very specific. I recently searched “sleeveless cream turtleneck sweaters” in my size on Poshmark and got some great options. For online secondhand shopping, I love eBay and Poshmark, and other options are Mercari, ThredUp, Depop, and Vestiaire Collective. 

Getting clothing for free is a tough option, but also worth trying. Ask on your local buy nothing group or arrange a clothing swap.

Lastly, if you end up needing to buy new items (the thrift gods aren’t going to bless you with everything on your list), look at affordable retailers. I swear by Target and Old Navy for current trends as well as basics. 

Here are some other things to keep in mind:

• Allow for some experimentation and build that into your expectations. There will be things you buy that you later realize aren’t quite what you wanted. Try to learn from that and don’t guilt yourself over it. 

• Allow for mistakes. When you have scarce resources, there is pressure to make perfect choices. Every item you buy feels like a make it or break it decision. It’s not. You WILL make mistakes. Build that into the process and reframe it as gathering data for future shopping.

• Be patient. It can feel so urgent to make these changes immediately. I’m certainly guilty of that this summer. The truth is that we can both make due with what we have for a while - we already have been, right? 

I’m so excited for you to get to a place where your style feels more authentic and hope these tips help!

Q: Why does it feel unsettled to be drawn to multiple aesthetics (in this case, hippie linen and athleisure)? 

I’m currently working with a client who spent most of her life caught up in diet culture and restricting her food. Her journey towards healing has opened up reflections on other areas of her life where restricting was the societal norm, specifically clothing. She worked in an intense corporate environment where there was a strict dress code policy. Now as a recent retiree, she is noticing all the boxes and restrictions that keep us small and don’t allow our authentic selves to flourish. During the shopping and clothing try-ons, she is beginning to open to styles, textures and colors that would have been on the “no” list such as cropped pants and jumpsuits and discovering some lightness beyond the box of restriction.

Sometimes those aren’t restrictions, they’re just your body telling you what it feels safe in. In that case, listen. On the other hand, sometimes the voice telling you you need to restrict is preventing you from allowing the full expression of your style.

Restrictions are part of diet culture. People feeling as though they MUST fit into one style and one style only are restricting. 

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Keep in mind, we’re taught in this society to stay in one lane. Pick a career in college and stick with it until retirement. Pick a mate when you’re young and stay even if you’re not happy. Pick a style, and it’s your style for life.

Many of us have different styles for different areas of your life or different activities. It makes perfect sense that you'd have different items for those, and it makes sense that those items would be in different styles. After years of wearing black work out gear, I find myself wanting to dress in bright neons. That doesn’t mean my day to day style has to shift from all neutrals.

It’s possible you just need permission. Here it is: it’s ok to have more than one style. You can have multiple styles for different areas of your life, or you can have multiple styles just because you like multiple styles! Wake up each day and decide which one works for you that day. There are no rules! You get to decide!  

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