style story: emma eisenberg
on cultivating interest and delight
I was lucky enough to meet when she contacted me about helping her with outfits for her author photos (thank you for connecting us!). In our session, Emma had such a clear sense of who she was and how she wanted to be perceived, and I loved reading about how she got there. Emma writes the wonderful newsletter Frump Feelings and is the author of The Third Rainbow Girl and Housemates, which is without a doubt one of the best books I read in 2024. This post is too long for email, so make sure you click through to get all the goodness! Please enjoy!
Q : Introduce yourself, your work, and how you spend your time.
A: Hello! I write books--fiction and nonfiction--as well as journalism and cultural criticism, usually about books, queers, or being a fat person. I live in Philadelphia with my partner and our three cat gremlins -- Tofu, Sesame, and Gabriel -- where I enjoy pottery and other crafts, walking in the sun, ice cream, and volunteering for cool organizations like Jewish Voice for Peace and Blue Stoop literary center.
Q: What was your style like when you were a child?
A: I was very into big patterns, bold colors, tie dye, saddle shoes, jelly sandals, weird collars, large buttons, and all things velvet. It was the 90’s after all and the American Girl Doll catalogue reined supreme! I saw nothing wrong with going to school in a pinafore.
Q: Growing up, what messages were you given about what you should or shouldn’t wear (and from whom or where do you think those messages came)?
A: Alas, the dressing rooms of various budget department stores with my mom were formative. She always wanted me to wear things looser than I wanted to, was convinced anything that fit was too tight. I got the message that having flesh and then eventually being fat meant a lot of clothes were "unflattering" and thus off limits to me. Like so many, I learned minimization was the goal. I was also growing up in Manhattan and taking the subway to school every day and street harassment was no joke so I -- and my dad as I left the house -- was constantly worried about showing too much breast and reducing the appearance of my chest.
Q: How has your style evolved since you were younger and what phases have you gone through with your style (i.e. high school grunge phase, early working days business casual phase, etc)?
A: In high school, I had a punk lite phase involving a lot of plaid skirts and converse with flames on them. In college I experimented with being high femme -- straightening my hair and wearing "going out tops." After that, I moved to rural West Virginia and basically only wore hiking boots. Then when I moved to Philadelphia and was moving in almost exclusively queer spaces, I thought I had to dress androgynous or masculine to show I was a “real” queer; I didn’t yet understand femme queer style. I think I just got really lost in my twenties and early thirties when it came to dressing myself. I was tired and confused from all the different messages and conflicting wishes. I just gave up on the idea of having a personal style for a while there.
Q: How have external pressures to conform to the ideal standard of beauty and the thought of how others view you affected your style?
A: How HAVEN'T they hehe! I’ve written about this elsewhere but I think one of the strongest messages I got was that there was only one desirable outcome when getting dressed and that was to achieve an effect I’ll call Sexy Adult Woman. In short, to be fuckable. It took me a long time to realize there were other outcomes that could be equally desirable—comfortable, innovative, joyful, monochromatic, scary, powerful, etc.
Q: How have your sense of style and shopping habits shifted along with changes in your body?
A: For much of my life I was on the cusp between straight sized and plus sized, but I’ve been solidly plus sized for about eight years now. In a maybe weird way, I think it’s only as I’ve embraced that I am fat that I’ve been able to find a sense of style that feels right to me and establish core shopping habits. When I was constantly dieting and afraid of gaining weight, I could never invest in any quality garments because I didn’t know what size I would be the next month let alone the next year. Everything felt temporary and I would just buy whatever was on sale. Now I just feel like, OK, this is the body I have and will likely have forever and I want to feel good in it now. So I try to buy the cute things that I love which tend to be more expensive and hang on to them longer and care for them better.
Q: What barriers do you encounter in trying to express your style? Are there any situations or spaces you feel your style prohibits you from accessing or gives you better access to?
A: Formal wear or serious professional occasions still perplex me. Since my style tends to be more playful, loose fitting and brightly colored, I get intimidated by the idea of dressing for awards ceremonies, galas, or banquets, things I do now have occasion to have to attend for writerly reasons. Glamour seems called for, and I have trouble accessing glamour.
Q: Do you have any style icons? Who are they?
A: Samantha the American Girl Doll remains formative. Lydia Okello. Marielle Elizabeth. Sarah Paulson. Dan Levy -- is that weird?
Q: How would you define your current relationship to clothes and style?
A: Right now, I'm trying to cultivate delight and interest. Am I interested in this piece of clothing, does it do anything for me? I'm also keeping pieces that are just purely functional and not feeling bad if some days I'm not expressing any style. I can choose how I get dressed and what it communicates and I can change what I'm communicating every day.
Q: What makes your style authentic to who you are today?
A: I am not trying to shrink or disappear and my clothes communicate that. My writing is a lot about truth and saying the hard thing and my clothes are not necessarily in line with what's popular or flattering.
Q: Do you wear anything that’s conventionally considered unflattering?
A: Big floppy shirt collars! Pants that make my ass look big! Puffed sleeves!
Emma, thank you so much for sharing yourself and your writing with us! I am absolutely also in place of looking for delight in my wardrobe while also acknowledging some days my clothes are just functional.
Go subscribe to Emma’s wonderful newsletter here and follow her on Instagram here. Don’t miss her Week of Outfits feature on ’s Cup of Jo.
Paid subscribers, read on for three of Emma’s favorite wardrobe items.