I had an existential crisis over tiktok shop
on wanting cute things but knowing too much
A few weeks ago, I was scrolling on TikTok and I came across a cool Brooklyn mom with a really cool jacket. It was red-and-brown striped, a little bit quilt-y, and indie-brand-coded, and I wanted it immediately.
Here’s my stream-of-consciousness internal response to that post:
Me: If I just had that jacket, it would make really simple outfits look so cool. I wouldn’t have to work hard; I could just throw that on. I wonder where she got it.
*notices the little TikTok shop icon and sees that she got it off of TikTok shop for $12*
Me: Fuck. I said I’d never buy anything from TikTok Shop. But it’s so cute!
*looks to see if jacket can be found anywhere else*
Me: Oh, it’s also available on Amazon. Well, I can’t buy it from Amazon either. I wonder which is worse, TikTok Shop or Amazon?
*starts to question everything*
Me: What if I didn’t share my outfits on the internet? No one would know!
*looks for loopholes in my own advice….*
Me: What if I found it secondhand? It would be the exact same item, but then it would be an “ethical” purchase.
…
is it possible to be an ethical influencer?
There’s been a lot of chatter here on Substack recently about influencers and affiliate linking, so I thought I’d share my experience.
Me: I occasionally buy stuff from Old Navy. How much worse is this, really?
…
Me: What if I’m still making a slow, thoughtful purchasing decision?
…
See that it’s actually a dupe for a $200 (!!!) Free People jacket.
Me: Free People is 100% fast fashion, and maybe it’s even made in the same factory, who knows? I certainly wouldn’t feel bad buying a ripoff of an FP item, considering they steal other designers’ designs and have a history of donating to Republican candidates.
…
a few of my favorite ethically made brands
I’ve never had a large budget to spend on clothes. The most I’ve ever spent on one item is $350, which is admittedly a lot, but that doesn’t happen often. As I mentioned on Tuesday, the majority of my clothing is secondhand, and so even though I have a broad knowledge of ethical brands, they’re not necessarily where I most frequently purchase clothes. But the brands here are ones whose clothes I like, who’ve worked well for clients, whose practices I admire
*calls in reinforcements*
Me (to husband): I really want this jacket, but it’s on TikTok Shop. What should I do?
Husband: Are you kidding? You can’t buy that.
Me: I know but it’s so cute. And it’s only $12!
*proceeds to tell husband all of the justifications listed above*
Husband: You can’t. It goes against everything you talk about.
Me:*pouting because I know he’s right, but I still want it*.
ways to "do" ethical fashion that don't cost (as much) money
Just a quick reminder that the unflattering chat is open and active! This is an added benefit to all subscribers, who can respond to threads, and paid subscribers get the added bonus of being able to ask the community anything! Need help styling something or recommendations for a niche item? It’s all there.
So, reminder to my earlier self, here’s why I said I’d never shop on TikTok (and Instagram before it):
Many brands can sell through TikTok Shop. The brand selling this jacket, Fulian fashion, seems on par with fast-fashion brands like Shein and Temu, two other brands I said I’d never buy. They are the worst of the worst of fast fashion (Shein adds 500 products to its website each day).
These products are actually measurably worse than Old Navy: Good on You rates Old Navy “It’s a start,” and Shein “We avoid,” and the Fashion Transparency Index puts Shein in the lowest 10% of transparency, while Old Navy is in the 50% range.
There are massive issues with brands selling through social media. It removes yet another layer of friction and makes purchases even more mindless by letting us buy something right in an app without even having to follow a link.
Cheaply made and cheap to buy clothing encourages “haul” culture and overconsumption, where people make videos showing how much they bought, thus encouraging this behavior even more.
I have a lot of privilege and am able to make more ethical choices than someone with fewer options.
Reader, I wrote all of the above one YEAR ago (in early 2025), and I still think about this jacket. It’s still available, I don’t think it would have been a one-hit wonder, and I think I would have worn it often.
I easily could have made a different choice, and maybe sometime I will. I don’t have an answer, just wanted you to know that existing and processing information in this world is beyond overwhelming, even for someone who thinks about it 24/7.
P.S. If you feel like you could use some help refining your shopping habits, I have a online mini-course called the Stress Free Shopping Workshop. It’s $67, but use code UNFLATTERING to get it for $40.
I love everything about your honest stream of consciousness that helps validate the rest of us who are spinning our wheels trying to balance ethics/wants/needs/regrets.
totally makes sense, and I appreciate the thorough breakdown. If you're up for it, this is a pretty straightforward type of jacket to make (or bring to a seamstress with a pattern and fabric to make). If it is something you're still thinking about a year later, it might be worth it! https://peppermintmag.com/product/viola-quilted-jacket/ is a pretty similar shape, with something like this fabric: https://merchantandmills.com/uk/whirly-pops-european-laundered-linen-stripe might end up with a pretty similar effect? Definitely not available to everyone, and will cost a lot more than $12, but could give you a custom fitted piece you'll love for a long time.