We’ve been conditioned to believe that our clothing (and accessories, make-up, hairstyle etc) are an extension or reflection of our personalities. I think that’s why were expected to have this skill. Don’t you know who you are?? We’re also faced with a bunch of rules as to what is appropriate to wear—explicit ones like office dress codes as well as tacit ones, all limiting in terms of what we might actually want and like to wear. Then there is both the absolute overwhelm of clothing available and the limits due to certain items not being available in your size, liking the cut but not the color and so on.
Oh sweet (not so sweet) perfectionism! This resonates so much with me. I like feeling good in my clothing choices and sometimes clothes are things I have to put on so I can start my day. I hate the feeling of always failing at something yet I tend to walk around with this feeling often. So today I’m giving myself permission to not be perfect. It’s okay that my wardrobe isn’t where I’d like it to be. Today is a 20% day.
Also such a great reminder that these outward things doooooo nottttttt matttttter to the authentic people who see us and love us for the essence of who we are
And even to people who {seem} to always look perfect {from our limited perspective of those people}, they are probably too concerned with criticizing themselves than notice our less-than-perfect attire/looks/etc
Welp...didn't realise I'd still internalised the idea that women are supposed to be innately good at this until I read it here and felt a lightbulb moment. Thank you!
I have a business photo shoot tomorrow with five different outfits and it has put my perfection into overdrive. To Katharine’s point, trying to find my personality and what I do in outfits is a whole thing. Then my photographer asks if I have some high heels because that would add some elegance 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ Because if I’m professional, I should be elegant? Also, deciding on your own preferences is a lot of emotional labor too.
It does take labor, but hopefully in a way that just calls your awareness to it, without having to actively work on it...? Also, if I could give my unsolicited advice for your photo shoot, keep it simple. You want your energy to come through. You could be wearing a tee-shirt and jeans and be able to be yourself without having your clothes distracting from you.
I like your unsolicited advice! I did choose outfits that I wear on a regular basis as well as footwear. I think the investment creates much more of an existential crisis than normal situations. It has been good to take the time to sift through my choices and decisions. Fingers crossed!
So many great truths in this post. Thank you SO much for sharing. I am especially comforted by the breakdown of 6 bad days or 'off' days a month. That really helps me put my perfectionist tendency and overall mental health into perspective.
There was a lot of bad in the old what not to wear (ageism/body shaming, general 90s stuff) BUT that was legitimately the first time I'd ever been taught 'here's how to dress your body shape/put together outfits/think about color/learn how to mix and match pieces'. My mom didn't like clothes and I did an awful job dressing myself for my first few years working before I started to figure out my style. And then childbirth/covid threw a wrench into things...
I think that makes sense why we often cling to some of those outdated guidelines. If we haven't been taught this skill set, we lean on cultural guidelines (colors! shape! what is chic!) in lieu of being able to personalize a better set of guidelines.
We’ve been conditioned to believe that our clothing (and accessories, make-up, hairstyle etc) are an extension or reflection of our personalities. I think that’s why were expected to have this skill. Don’t you know who you are?? We’re also faced with a bunch of rules as to what is appropriate to wear—explicit ones like office dress codes as well as tacit ones, all limiting in terms of what we might actually want and like to wear. Then there is both the absolute overwhelm of clothing available and the limits due to certain items not being available in your size, liking the cut but not the color and so on.
This is SUCH a good point - the "rules" are unspoken and not always clear, which can lead to feeling like you're not getting it just right.
Oh sweet (not so sweet) perfectionism! This resonates so much with me. I like feeling good in my clothing choices and sometimes clothes are things I have to put on so I can start my day. I hate the feeling of always failing at something yet I tend to walk around with this feeling often. So today I’m giving myself permission to not be perfect. It’s okay that my wardrobe isn’t where I’d like it to be. Today is a 20% day.
YES!!! 👏
Also such a great reminder that these outward things doooooo nottttttt matttttter to the authentic people who see us and love us for the essence of who we are
And even to people who {seem} to always look perfect {from our limited perspective of those people}, they are probably too concerned with criticizing themselves than notice our less-than-perfect attire/looks/etc
Welp...didn't realise I'd still internalised the idea that women are supposed to be innately good at this until I read it here and felt a lightbulb moment. Thank you!
I have a business photo shoot tomorrow with five different outfits and it has put my perfection into overdrive. To Katharine’s point, trying to find my personality and what I do in outfits is a whole thing. Then my photographer asks if I have some high heels because that would add some elegance 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ Because if I’m professional, I should be elegant? Also, deciding on your own preferences is a lot of emotional labor too.
It does take labor, but hopefully in a way that just calls your awareness to it, without having to actively work on it...? Also, if I could give my unsolicited advice for your photo shoot, keep it simple. You want your energy to come through. You could be wearing a tee-shirt and jeans and be able to be yourself without having your clothes distracting from you.
I like your unsolicited advice! I did choose outfits that I wear on a regular basis as well as footwear. I think the investment creates much more of an existential crisis than normal situations. It has been good to take the time to sift through my choices and decisions. Fingers crossed!
So many great truths in this post. Thank you SO much for sharing. I am especially comforted by the breakdown of 6 bad days or 'off' days a month. That really helps me put my perfectionist tendency and overall mental health into perspective.
There was a lot of bad in the old what not to wear (ageism/body shaming, general 90s stuff) BUT that was legitimately the first time I'd ever been taught 'here's how to dress your body shape/put together outfits/think about color/learn how to mix and match pieces'. My mom didn't like clothes and I did an awful job dressing myself for my first few years working before I started to figure out my style. And then childbirth/covid threw a wrench into things...
oh, dacy, the 80/20 days. this is so brilliant! thank you.
It really changed my perspective too. Now, I'm like, wait, I haven't had my "can't get out of bed days" this month, I'm owed those!
love it!
I think that makes sense why we often cling to some of those outdated guidelines. If we haven't been taught this skill set, we lean on cultural guidelines (colors! shape! what is chic!) in lieu of being able to personalize a better set of guidelines.
exactly
I’m always comforted by the thought that someone else will like it, even if it didn’t work on me. So pass the garment on.
absolutely