from the vault: are you in the right place?

and why I don't call myself an "image consultant"

These are two posts from 2021 that I’m mashing together. I’ve added a few edits in italics. I’d love to hear what you think.

SO. A couple of weeks ago I watched a presentation given by an organization of professional stylists I belong to and to be honest, I was a little horrified. In it, the woman giving the presentation was explaining some of her tricks for concealing flaws. What really rubbed me the wrong way was the way she was just matter-of-factly stating all the things that were wrong with all the women's bodies in the images she used. Spoiler alert, there was absolutely nothing wrong with these women or their bodies. 

I was curious whether I was the only stylist who was struck by this, so I posted this in the organization’s Facebook group:

“Can we start a conversation about what our responsibility is as personal stylists in regards to women's body image? Can we start to acknowledge that women’s bodies are not inherently flawed, and not something to be hidden or "concealed"? Can we acknowledge that when we try to make sure women look as small as possible, we are in fact saying that anyone with a larger body is less worthy? Can we even go far as to say perhaps one’s functional or aesthetic preferences might take higher priority over what is ‘flattering’ to them?

I’d love to hear your reactions to these questions. I know that all of us are in this business to help women feel better about themselves, but sometimes it seems as though some of the methods are reinforcing a very narrow ideal of beauty. 

This is a conversation with a lot of nuance, and it doesn't mean that all efforts to make a woman feel good in her clothes are negative. I just think there are other ways to approach it. I welcome your thoughts.”

Ultimately, my post was intended to ask if we can re-envision styling as something other than making women appear thinner. After a weekend of dramatic and purposely misunderstood Facebook conversation, the answer among most of the stylists who weighed in (no pun intended) was no. No, we can’t. All women want is to appear thinner, and that’s what we’re going to give them. 

I was pretty surprised. I mean, I know I operate in a little body neutral progressive bubble over here, but it was just somewhat shocking to have it reinforced. 

So, I wanted to make sure you’re in the right place. 

Just to be clear:

I’m not the kind of personal stylist who thinks the point of fashion is to mold yourself into the closest approximation of the ideal standard of beauty.

I understand that many of us may not feel completely accepting of our bodies, but if you ask me to make you look thinner, I’m going to ask where you got that message and challenge you to shift your perspective. 

I’ll never be another external source telling you what you *should* be wearing by just looking at you. I’ll be the one asking all the questions that guide you to discovering what it is that you actually want to wear. 

I don’t see your body as something flawed or to be concealed, but as a worthy being that can fully inhabit the space you take up. 

Cool? Cool.

When I first started mindful closet, I wasn’t sure what to call myself. I knew what I wanted to DO (help people who hated getting dressed, who never knew what to wear, who never felt like they had the right thing, who felt like their body had to be different before they were allowed to express their style), but wasn’t sure what that was actually called. Personal shopper? Style coach? Fashion therapist? Image consultant? 

I’d always been turned off by the term “image consultant”. It felt corporate and fake. It felt like the goal was to help women conform to a male version of what was appropriate put in place by the patriarchy.

Then, a few months ago, I heard an episode on The Body Image podcast with therapist Elizabeth Scott. She spoke about the difference between body image and embodiment and something clicked for me:

“The phrase body image is fundamentally disassociative. It produces this idea of looking at our bodies from outside. It’s always a picture of ourselves looking in the mirror. And thinking about how we’re seen from outside. So we’re already directing the individual to look at themselves from outside which is a dissociative position. You leave your body and look back at it in a critical way.”

To relate this to clothes, the word “image” implies that you are working to be perceived a certain way externally, which may not align with how you feel internally. I’m more interested in making sure you feel like your most authentic self, whether that manifests in a power suit or polka dot pajama pants.

This wasn’t something I was aware of when I first started working with clients, but over the years, I've come to believe that the most important end result for the work I do with women is for women to feel empowered to be their authentic self, and to be able to express themselves in their own authentic style. In my experience, it never works when an “expert” imposes a style on someone based on what they think they should be wearing. It doesn’t stick, the person doesn’t feel good in it, they don’t feel at home, and it’s a waste of money on multiple levels.

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Even though we do have to adhere to certain societal standards, I believe wholeheartedly that if you show up in the way that you feel best, your spirit will shine through and you will connect with people in an authentic way.

So, I landed on the phrase "personal stylist". It’s (obviously) about personal work and not just shopping or pleasing others. It feels internal and authentic.

I'd love to hear your thoughts - which term do you like best?