I'm new here but I find your stance and tone so refreshing and it's honestly where I need to be. I've been overweight most of my adult life and I've recently started a bit of a weight loss journey. I'm not pushing that for everyone, but my knees and hips were aching enough and my A1C was creeping up each year and I wanted to address those concerns if I could. And I have. I plan to lose a little more weight, but I'm not going to end up in the "normal" weight range for my size. I'll probably always be considered heavy or plus size.
That's all a prelude to my experience with style. I've always loved clothes and style and as a bigger person, I've not always had access to the things I would want to wear. I'm in a period now of digging in and trying to understand my style now that some new options are available to me. I've been in plus petite sizes (so hard to find!) and I'm hoping to land at the top end of regular petites. What I want to wear is intimately tied up with who I am and what I love. I've been exploring things I've always loved and things I'm still very attracted to. I've worked with House of Colour and I've watched lots of YouTube videos about how style your clothes, but the emphasis is on "flattering" and "showing your waist." I've learned a lot and I will probably use some of the techniques I've learned because I like them. But I'm also going to wear swishy wide leg pants and midi/maxi skirts with sweaters and the wide leg pants maybe with a tunic because I love those looks and I love how I feel in them. Those outfits connect more deeply with who I am inside and therefore I feel great and most like myself in them.
So, thank you for being here. You're giving me good air to breathe in the style space!
It sounds like you know what you want and I’m just sending you permission to go all out on that! There is a real, not perceived, scarcity to finding plus size/plus petite clothes but try not to limit yourself! J jill and Eileen fisher have plus petite and may be the style you like.
Yup, I'm in the right place. While the term "personal stylists" works, it only sort of works. I regard you as my personal stylist, but when I sing your praises as I often do (because so many people - men and women - get a kick out of how I "present" and want to know what went into "creating my style,") I describe your philosophy around clothes because mostly their version of personal stylist is narrowly thought of as sculpting an illusion rather than honoring the body we live in.
I'm still growing and learning about myself and as I do my style gets tweaked. I view style as fluid, something to have fun with and I'm having a lot of fun. Not to get too personal BUT, living with heart disease, having a discussion with my cardiologist next week about whether heart transplant is a viable treatment option, I'm fully aware of my body's function and the importance of honoring it each day I am given breath. Part of honoring it is adorning it in a way that adds to my happiness. Finding my way to your newsletters via author of "Dietland," Sarai Walker, was gold. Every time my cardiologist says "Loving the outfit," I relax a little and think, "Good, did my job today. Honored my body." Thanks for that.
So many good things: honoring your body and adorning it to do so. And I can’t take credit for your presentation, you were already killing it!! Always so grateful for your support 💕
Dacy, this post touched so many nerves. My synapses are on fire! I was on a diet for, honestly, 50 years. Age 15 to age 65. (Surprise! I ended up at a 27 BMI, 2 points over “normal” anyway). I always dressed to minimize butt, boobs, thighs. I thought about my size all the time. But two years ago, I decided I’m old enough not to care and stopped dieting. I went through a phase of eating everything and anything, but eventually I settled down and now I eat quite happily and sanely without gorging. I also like the way I look now. I wear things I like—yeah, based on the style board you and I did, which has been a huge help. Getting off the “body image” treadmill (yes, I think it’s a great insight that it’s about the mirror, not one’s own heart) has freed me to pay attention to other things, which has been really nice. I also feel physically comfortable. Dang! I bought a size 14 suit at a plus size store recently and I love it—fits me and I can move in it. I can move in my clothes now. I can breathe in and out. Sorry to go on so long but your post really inspired me. Thank you
I am here with you Dana! All the things you said resonate with me! I am so much happier in my skin. I am building a wardrobe to showcase this shift in me and Dacy has been a huge influence on me!
I heard your interview on Shoulders Down and realized that this, here, is 100% the right place for me. I have always struggled with my personal style and am learning so much from you. Thank you.
I admire and appreciate your continual work to bring a healthier perspective to your colleagues! It is so demoralizing when it ends in a dogpile of defensiveness (holy accidental alliteration) that is so common on Facebook and certain Reddit communities, or really anywhere online without thoughtful moderation.
It’s obviously valuable to bring more thoughtfulness into spaces built on white supremacy and classism, but it can feel so futile. This comment doesn’t do much other than commiserate, but I hope it helps to know that you are making a difference to this subscriber of your Substack, and I know I am not alone. That ripples out, as I know in my case the more I engage with my personal style in an authentic way, the more I talk about and share your work.
I so often remind myself that people are spectacularly wrong about all sorts of things online. When I see ridiculous takes about a topic I don’t have as much of a stake in, it helps me feel less compelled to let doubt creep in from virtual strangers disagreeing with me on topics I do care deeply about.
How is it I literally never thought about the goal of stylists (and of our internal monologues) was to make women look smaller? It's so deeply ingrained that I should only wear clothes that are "flattering" - that I never stopped to think about what flattering meant. I know you've said this repeatedly in your work (it's literally in the name), but somehow this post helped it all sink in. Thank you for your amazing POV!
Yes yes yes yes yes, I am so in the right place. Thank you, Dacy, for helping me articulate these things to myself and to my friends and colleagues. The concept of "image" is so fraught, and the best thing I've done for myself in years is start the journey of divesting from giving a fuck about what other people think of me. I usually say "personal stylist" but with a lot of context and qualifiers - when sharing about your work, the personal work I've done with you, and all I've learned from you and along the way. And despite what that Facebook group told you, you/we are helping normalize this for so many of the women around us (even if we are still the minority). The revolution's gotta start somewhere 💥
“I don’t see your body as something flawed or to be concealed, but as a worthy being that can fully inhabit the space you take up. “
This really resonated with me. There’s a lot to unpack from “worthy being” who can present themselves however makes them feel most themselves to inhabiting space.
I find the “make you thinner” approach puts people in a box. It’s so limiting as if women occupy only a few kinds of spaces.
Yes to the spaces we’re allowed to be in and also the amount of space women are given permission to take up. I want us all to take up space unapologetically!!
Pushing back against and interrogating white supremacy/capitalism is always the move because the point is to make literally every person believe they’re not enough, ever, or “too much.” If we practice the principle of abundance in all areas of our lives and communities, we open ourselves to a world without competition and acceptance because there is always room for everyone in their own uniqueness and even then, more room can be made for everyone. We stop looking, as you point out about the term body image, for acceptance OUTSIDE ourselves. I mean, what if we each looked in the full length mirror each day and smiled at ourselves while saying or thinking, “I am enough for me”? Imagine one day you believe that you are enough. Imagine where you would go with your own style. Or stay. Or whatever, it doesn’t matter because you’re enough for yourself.
Anyway, personal stylist is a perfectly fine term but since you already practice expansion and acceptance, you might consider some more playful language since no term will ever be truly “accurate” (and who cares about accuracy, the abundance and accepting energy you put out invites your community to you). I remember when I was thinking of the name for my bookstore, I did a lot of word association play, knowing only that I wanted a word in Spanish to reflect my heritage and my personality. Or if you’re happy with personal stylist and it feels right in your own body — our intuition resides in our gut, after all — then you don’t need to worry about what we think, because we’re here with you in support because of what you do, whatever you decide to call your vocation.
Wow, I can't BELIEVE that not ONE person on the FB message board agreed with you when you basically said, "Maybe we shouldn't tell women they're flawed," and they think their goal as stylists is to make women look thinner, and they don't see anything wrong with that! There were times, as I was gaining weight over the past year, when I thought of working with stylists, but I felt like their goals would be to make me look thinner and I knew it would make me feel bad. I love being here and talking about wearing WHATEVER WE LIKE and FEELING OUR BEST - not looking our smallest. Dacy - thanks for doing what you do...so happy to have found you and this supportive community! 💗
I'm new here but I find your stance and tone so refreshing and it's honestly where I need to be. I've been overweight most of my adult life and I've recently started a bit of a weight loss journey. I'm not pushing that for everyone, but my knees and hips were aching enough and my A1C was creeping up each year and I wanted to address those concerns if I could. And I have. I plan to lose a little more weight, but I'm not going to end up in the "normal" weight range for my size. I'll probably always be considered heavy or plus size.
That's all a prelude to my experience with style. I've always loved clothes and style and as a bigger person, I've not always had access to the things I would want to wear. I'm in a period now of digging in and trying to understand my style now that some new options are available to me. I've been in plus petite sizes (so hard to find!) and I'm hoping to land at the top end of regular petites. What I want to wear is intimately tied up with who I am and what I love. I've been exploring things I've always loved and things I'm still very attracted to. I've worked with House of Colour and I've watched lots of YouTube videos about how style your clothes, but the emphasis is on "flattering" and "showing your waist." I've learned a lot and I will probably use some of the techniques I've learned because I like them. But I'm also going to wear swishy wide leg pants and midi/maxi skirts with sweaters and the wide leg pants maybe with a tunic because I love those looks and I love how I feel in them. Those outfits connect more deeply with who I am inside and therefore I feel great and most like myself in them.
So, thank you for being here. You're giving me good air to breathe in the style space!
It sounds like you know what you want and I’m just sending you permission to go all out on that! There is a real, not perceived, scarcity to finding plus size/plus petite clothes but try not to limit yourself! J jill and Eileen fisher have plus petite and may be the style you like.
Yup, I'm in the right place. While the term "personal stylists" works, it only sort of works. I regard you as my personal stylist, but when I sing your praises as I often do (because so many people - men and women - get a kick out of how I "present" and want to know what went into "creating my style,") I describe your philosophy around clothes because mostly their version of personal stylist is narrowly thought of as sculpting an illusion rather than honoring the body we live in.
I'm still growing and learning about myself and as I do my style gets tweaked. I view style as fluid, something to have fun with and I'm having a lot of fun. Not to get too personal BUT, living with heart disease, having a discussion with my cardiologist next week about whether heart transplant is a viable treatment option, I'm fully aware of my body's function and the importance of honoring it each day I am given breath. Part of honoring it is adorning it in a way that adds to my happiness. Finding my way to your newsletters via author of "Dietland," Sarai Walker, was gold. Every time my cardiologist says "Loving the outfit," I relax a little and think, "Good, did my job today. Honored my body." Thanks for that.
So many good things: honoring your body and adorning it to do so. And I can’t take credit for your presentation, you were already killing it!! Always so grateful for your support 💕
Dacy, this post touched so many nerves. My synapses are on fire! I was on a diet for, honestly, 50 years. Age 15 to age 65. (Surprise! I ended up at a 27 BMI, 2 points over “normal” anyway). I always dressed to minimize butt, boobs, thighs. I thought about my size all the time. But two years ago, I decided I’m old enough not to care and stopped dieting. I went through a phase of eating everything and anything, but eventually I settled down and now I eat quite happily and sanely without gorging. I also like the way I look now. I wear things I like—yeah, based on the style board you and I did, which has been a huge help. Getting off the “body image” treadmill (yes, I think it’s a great insight that it’s about the mirror, not one’s own heart) has freed me to pay attention to other things, which has been really nice. I also feel physically comfortable. Dang! I bought a size 14 suit at a plus size store recently and I love it—fits me and I can move in it. I can move in my clothes now. I can breathe in and out. Sorry to go on so long but your post really inspired me. Thank you
Breathing is good!! 😍 it’s been so amazing to follow your progress over the years Dana. I’m so glad your energy can go elsewhere.
I am here with you Dana! All the things you said resonate with me! I am so much happier in my skin. I am building a wardrobe to showcase this shift in me and Dacy has been a huge influence on me!
That makes me so happy!!
I heard your interview on Shoulders Down and realized that this, here, is 100% the right place for me. I have always struggled with my personal style and am learning so much from you. Thank you.
Thank you for being here!
❤️
I admire and appreciate your continual work to bring a healthier perspective to your colleagues! It is so demoralizing when it ends in a dogpile of defensiveness (holy accidental alliteration) that is so common on Facebook and certain Reddit communities, or really anywhere online without thoughtful moderation.
It’s obviously valuable to bring more thoughtfulness into spaces built on white supremacy and classism, but it can feel so futile. This comment doesn’t do much other than commiserate, but I hope it helps to know that you are making a difference to this subscriber of your Substack, and I know I am not alone. That ripples out, as I know in my case the more I engage with my personal style in an authentic way, the more I talk about and share your work.
I so often remind myself that people are spectacularly wrong about all sorts of things online. When I see ridiculous takes about a topic I don’t have as much of a stake in, it helps me feel less compelled to let doubt creep in from virtual strangers disagreeing with me on topics I do care deeply about.
Knowing it makes a difference to just one person does make it feel totally worth it. I’m so grateful ❤️
How is it I literally never thought about the goal of stylists (and of our internal monologues) was to make women look smaller? It's so deeply ingrained that I should only wear clothes that are "flattering" - that I never stopped to think about what flattering meant. I know you've said this repeatedly in your work (it's literally in the name), but somehow this post helped it all sink in. Thank you for your amazing POV!
I’m so glad! Yep you articulated it perfectly.
Yes yes yes yes yes, I am so in the right place. Thank you, Dacy, for helping me articulate these things to myself and to my friends and colleagues. The concept of "image" is so fraught, and the best thing I've done for myself in years is start the journey of divesting from giving a fuck about what other people think of me. I usually say "personal stylist" but with a lot of context and qualifiers - when sharing about your work, the personal work I've done with you, and all I've learned from you and along the way. And despite what that Facebook group told you, you/we are helping normalize this for so many of the women around us (even if we are still the minority). The revolution's gotta start somewhere 💥
🤗🤗🤗
“I don’t see your body as something flawed or to be concealed, but as a worthy being that can fully inhabit the space you take up. “
This really resonated with me. There’s a lot to unpack from “worthy being” who can present themselves however makes them feel most themselves to inhabiting space.
I find the “make you thinner” approach puts people in a box. It’s so limiting as if women occupy only a few kinds of spaces.
Yes to the spaces we’re allowed to be in and also the amount of space women are given permission to take up. I want us all to take up space unapologetically!!
Pushing back against and interrogating white supremacy/capitalism is always the move because the point is to make literally every person believe they’re not enough, ever, or “too much.” If we practice the principle of abundance in all areas of our lives and communities, we open ourselves to a world without competition and acceptance because there is always room for everyone in their own uniqueness and even then, more room can be made for everyone. We stop looking, as you point out about the term body image, for acceptance OUTSIDE ourselves. I mean, what if we each looked in the full length mirror each day and smiled at ourselves while saying or thinking, “I am enough for me”? Imagine one day you believe that you are enough. Imagine where you would go with your own style. Or stay. Or whatever, it doesn’t matter because you’re enough for yourself.
Anyway, personal stylist is a perfectly fine term but since you already practice expansion and acceptance, you might consider some more playful language since no term will ever be truly “accurate” (and who cares about accuracy, the abundance and accepting energy you put out invites your community to you). I remember when I was thinking of the name for my bookstore, I did a lot of word association play, knowing only that I wanted a word in Spanish to reflect my heritage and my personality. Or if you’re happy with personal stylist and it feels right in your own body — our intuition resides in our gut, after all — then you don’t need to worry about what we think, because we’re here with you in support because of what you do, whatever you decide to call your vocation.
Completely agree with you on all counts. And I’m so grateful for your supportive words!
Wow, I can't BELIEVE that not ONE person on the FB message board agreed with you when you basically said, "Maybe we shouldn't tell women they're flawed," and they think their goal as stylists is to make women look thinner, and they don't see anything wrong with that! There were times, as I was gaining weight over the past year, when I thought of working with stylists, but I felt like their goals would be to make me look thinner and I knew it would make me feel bad. I love being here and talking about wearing WHATEVER WE LIKE and FEELING OUR BEST - not looking our smallest. Dacy - thanks for doing what you do...so happy to have found you and this supportive community! 💗
There were actually 2 women in my corner, but the rest of the response was so overwhelming!