Yes! Flattering means camoflauging your offensive stomach that dares to protrude, or accentuating your ample bosom, which is one of the few parts of women that's "allowed" to be big.
As long as it is the right type of bosom. Boobs must not point towards the waist (mine do) or form a ‘mononboob’ shelf (mine do). They can be ample and curvy and high up on your torso.
Dacy, you helped me realize that flattering just means slimming, which is bullshit. I’ve felt liberated ever since, so thank you. I think the concept of flattering is just another way to keep women as small and compliant and distracted as possible.
Love this: “Can we take up the space that we actually take up in the world”!!!
I think it’s interesting that the priorities for reclaiming fashion from the flattering monitors are look, style and feel. I would reprioritize feel as number 1 for neurodivergent people. While I am going to be drawn to things more by appearance before I can tell how they feel, nothing gets worn without my skin having the ultimate say. I don’t think designers or neurotypical people understand how limiting this makes clothing, especially “plus size” clothing even more especially for larger plus sizes.
Flattering is also often context based to mean feminine or sexy (i.e., hourglass) or not that if you have “too much” of that shape. I’m thinking of certain employees being told they can’t wear jeans on jeans days because their hips are “too curve” and it’s too sexual when it’s just the shape of their body.
Amy, that's such a good point. I think for me, style is a starting point, and the first time we start to divest from flattering. But you're absolutely right, I almost always ask clients (when trying on clothes) how something feels before I let them look in the mirrow. I always want to start to shift the priority towards how something feels and away from how it looks. Thanks for pointing that out!
I agree with this entirely! Feel has to be #1 for me because of chronic medical conditions I manage and it makes it really frustrating and hard to find clothes because the feel I need is not really available in the styles I am drawn to. Also there’s so much to juggle with trying to find clothes I can function in without pain... that also suit my work environment... that also suit my style... it feels impossible many days.
Throwing flattering out the window does at least take one impossible standard out of the mix!
Ellen, absolutely! You get to choose what your top priority is, and as I mentioned in my response to Jane, defining a style is a starting point, but adapting it to your needs is always a very closet second step. And I know how tall of an order getting all of that in one item is.
Just for fun, I went to Merriam-Webster and looked up the definition of flattering. The definition tied to the usage here (this post) is: "helping to enhance attractiveness"
And we all know thinness is BFF's with attractiveness. Thanks diet culture!
And btw, enhance attractiveness to whom? The wearer or everyone else? hmmm....
I’m curious how you would approach flattering from a lifestyle perspective... you say we should chose clothes we are drawn to “separate from what works from our body, or even our lifestyle”. I love lacy, full skirts, and flowing princess dresses but find running around after a muddy toddler so much easier in pants. I also hate the feel of fabrics that aren’t soft, stretchy poly-blends. Maybe I need to schedule a consultation ;))
This is such a great question, and the thing is that determining your aethetic style is really step 1. Step 2 is modifying that to fit your lifestyle and current phase of life. So you might save those items for seeing friends or social occasions and have more of a practical uniform for when with muddy toddlers ;)
I think it’s not just about being smaller. It’s also about hiding lumps and bumps. The soup we swim in teaches us that curves should be smooth.
Ooh, excellent point! You're completely right and I hadn't put that together. It's all about how close as we can get to the ideal body.
Yes! Flattering means camoflauging your offensive stomach that dares to protrude, or accentuating your ample bosom, which is one of the few parts of women that's "allowed" to be big.
Good point about the bosom!
As long as it is the right type of bosom. Boobs must not point towards the waist (mine do) or form a ‘mononboob’ shelf (mine do). They can be ample and curvy and high up on your torso.
Dacy, you helped me realize that flattering just means slimming, which is bullshit. I’ve felt liberated ever since, so thank you. I think the concept of flattering is just another way to keep women as small and compliant and distracted as possible.
Love this: “Can we take up the space that we actually take up in the world”!!!
Yeah, it was a bit of a mindset shift when I realized that too! Absolutely a way to keep us small and compliant and focused on pleasing the male gaze.
I think it’s interesting that the priorities for reclaiming fashion from the flattering monitors are look, style and feel. I would reprioritize feel as number 1 for neurodivergent people. While I am going to be drawn to things more by appearance before I can tell how they feel, nothing gets worn without my skin having the ultimate say. I don’t think designers or neurotypical people understand how limiting this makes clothing, especially “plus size” clothing even more especially for larger plus sizes.
Flattering is also often context based to mean feminine or sexy (i.e., hourglass) or not that if you have “too much” of that shape. I’m thinking of certain employees being told they can’t wear jeans on jeans days because their hips are “too curve” and it’s too sexual when it’s just the shape of their body.
Amy, that's such a good point. I think for me, style is a starting point, and the first time we start to divest from flattering. But you're absolutely right, I almost always ask clients (when trying on clothes) how something feels before I let them look in the mirrow. I always want to start to shift the priority towards how something feels and away from how it looks. Thanks for pointing that out!
I agree with this entirely! Feel has to be #1 for me because of chronic medical conditions I manage and it makes it really frustrating and hard to find clothes because the feel I need is not really available in the styles I am drawn to. Also there’s so much to juggle with trying to find clothes I can function in without pain... that also suit my work environment... that also suit my style... it feels impossible many days.
Throwing flattering out the window does at least take one impossible standard out of the mix!
Ellen, absolutely! You get to choose what your top priority is, and as I mentioned in my response to Jane, defining a style is a starting point, but adapting it to your needs is always a very closet second step. And I know how tall of an order getting all of that in one item is.
Just for fun, I went to Merriam-Webster and looked up the definition of flattering. The definition tied to the usage here (this post) is: "helping to enhance attractiveness"
And we all know thinness is BFF's with attractiveness. Thanks diet culture!
And btw, enhance attractiveness to whom? The wearer or everyone else? hmmm....
Well, that just sums it allll up, doesn’t it?
I’m curious how you would approach flattering from a lifestyle perspective... you say we should chose clothes we are drawn to “separate from what works from our body, or even our lifestyle”. I love lacy, full skirts, and flowing princess dresses but find running around after a muddy toddler so much easier in pants. I also hate the feel of fabrics that aren’t soft, stretchy poly-blends. Maybe I need to schedule a consultation ;))
This is such a great question, and the thing is that determining your aethetic style is really step 1. Step 2 is modifying that to fit your lifestyle and current phase of life. So you might save those items for seeing friends or social occasions and have more of a practical uniform for when with muddy toddlers ;)
and later on there might be a phase of life where you can wear them more!