From the vault: how to shop mindfully

even if you hate shopping

Is there anything worse than looking in your closet and seeing tons of items you bought but never wear, or don’t even really like? Last week, we talked about how to shop on a budget. Successful shopping of any kind can be hard, and if you aren’t thoughtful about it, you can end up spending hundreds of dollars on things you never wear. Here are some things to think about to minimize those shopping mistakes.

Have a sense of your style. This is a whole other topic, one I have a 90-minute recorded workshop for, and that we can talk about more here, and something that takes time. If you don’t have an idea of this, you’ll buy things that don’t feel like you and perpetuate the cycle of buying and not wearing. 

As I mentioned in this post, evaluate what you have. I call this taking inventory. If you know what you have, you don’t buy similar things (raise your hand if you have 6 different styles of black tee) or make similar mistakes. Look at the items you don’t wear and figure out why it was a bad buying decision. Try to avoid the same mistake in the future.

Photo by Cassidy Parker Smith

Before going shopping, MAKE. A. LIST. I can't emphasize enough how important this is. You can't go shopping without knowing what you're looking for. Well, you can, but I can guarantee you will regret most of what you buy. 

Think about it - what happens when you go to the grocery store without a list? You end up with random things that sounded good in the moment but don’t necessarily fit together to make a whole meal. When you meal plan and shop with a list, you buy the things you need to make a recipe. It’s the same with clothes. Many people wonder why they have a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear, but it’s this - it’s like having a pantry full of random ingredients but no meal plan. If you buy clothes based on what looks cute that day without giving thought to how it fits into the rest of your wardrobe, you’re going to end up with a bunch of random stuff. To continue the grocery shopping analogy, here’s what to do instead: refine your style (pick a recipe), take stock of what you already have (what’s in your pantry), and make a list of what’s missing (make a grocery list). 

Do you have 12 pairs of dress pants but no blouses to go with them? Put it on the list. Do you like wearing dresses, but never do in winter because you don’t own tights? Put it on the list. Etc, etc. 

Be specific. "Clothes for work" is not an appropriate item for a shopping list. "Slim leg, neutral colored, stretchy, cotton blend pants" is an appropriate item. "Top" = no good. "Printed blouse in a washable fabric with an a-line shape" = good. Get the idea?

Minimize distractions. If you’re able to shop in person, go at a non-peak time like a weekday or first thing in the morning, even if this means taking a half day from work. It's worth it. Everything will be better. Salespeople will have more time to help, they will be in a better mood, there will be less noise, fewer people, more sizes available. This all results in a much less stressful experience. Wear comfortable shoes and a cross body bag so that your hands are free. You don’t have to dress up, but if wearing makeup and styling your hair is part of what makes you feel good, make sure you do that (if not, carry on). Bring snacks and water. This might all seem trivial, but trust me, it's the difference between mindful and meltdown. Never fear, I’ll share all my tips for shopping online in my next post. 

Shop for one thing at a time. This is specifically for those of you who get overwhelmed by all the options when you walk into a store or look online. If you’ve been specific with the items on your shopping list (see above), you can easily scan the racks (or search) for what you’re looking for. Let’s say you’re in need of a great pair of flared denim. You know you want a dark wash and a high waist. When you go into a store, you can automatically rule out 99% of the options because they’re not exactly what you’re looking for. There are a few options that fit the requirements on your list, you try them, either they work or they don’t, and you’re done. If you’re looking for a red sweater, pass on by anything in a different color. By isolating items this way, you can cut through the visual clutter. It’s simple and efficient. You can do the same online by searching with specific parameters.

You've made it to the dressing room (or received your shipments). You have everything that might be an option, even if you're not sure. Things often transform when on a body, so don't rule something out because it doesn't look good on the hanger. This might mean that you're trying on 40, 50, 60 items. It's ok. Don't feel guilty about making work for the salespeople (or is that just me?), it's their job. Be quick and ruthless. If it works, put it aside as a potential buy. If it doesn't, don't take it personally and move on.

Decide which items are going to function well in your wardrobe. The decision making process will be easier if you follow the preceding steps. For instance, if you have the printed top on your list and you stick to it, you won't end up in the fitting room with things you don't need. If you have a snack, you won't buy something just because you're hangry and want to get out asap. 

Revisit that first round of potential buys. Narrow down your options. Try them again. Take pictures*. Get a second opinion (not because you're going to take it, but because it'll help you clarify what you really think). Do not take the opinion of the salesperson. Their goal is to get you to buy, regardless of whether you should or not. 

Ask yourself a bunch of questions: will this go with most of my wardrobe? Will I still like this in six months? Do I really need it? Why am I buying it? Am I buying it because it's cheap? Because it's on my list? Because it fits my style? Would I buy this if it wasn't on sale? Is this better than something I already have? (If so, get rid of the less good item in your closet immediately) Is this worth having an overstuffed, stress-inducing closet for? Will I want to return this in a few weeks, creating more work for myself?

Lastly, give yourself some grace. Shopping is hard. Really, really hard. And it takes time. We’re taught as humans socialized as female that women enjoy shopping and are good at it. That is not the case for everyone and it’s a learned skill like anything else. Normalize trying on many things before you find what you want. For my clients, the rate of returns is 90%. In other words, we return 9 out of every 10 items we try. That’s normal. You might need to go at your own pace and break this process down to work on over time. You might only be able to handle one store or ordering from one store at a time. I wish I had a way to make the process easier, but hopefully these tips will help you along the way. 

P.S. I’ll be taking the week off of Substack next week because it’s the first week of school and I need a couple of days to just cry alone in a dark room to recover from the summer. ✌️

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*Photos are hard. They often don’t reflect reality. In order to help you be objective when taking photos of items on your body, try taking the photo without your head in the shot. Just that small change can help you see the item without all the mental junk that comes up when we look at ourselves.