is staying in your "comfort zone" a bad thing?
or does it impede progress?
In a recent Instagram post, I mentioned that one of the items in my outfit covered my tummy in a way that felt good. Someone responded saying she’d never heard that it was ok to wear clothes that made you feel comforted. That we’re always supposed to push ourselves to get out of our “comfort zone”, try new things.
But what if constantly trying to push yourself means ignoring that voice in your gut telling you “this doesn’t feel right?” What if getting out of your comfort zone means ignoring your own needs? What if getting outside the box means you waste money buying clothes that you never wear because actually, you’re happy in the box?
As I mentioned in my Friday reflection post about our Unflattering x Burnt Toast style challenge, last week’s theme of honoring my comfort was so much easier than the previous week’s theme of breaking style rules.
I guess easy outweighs boring for me
Dressing with bright colors during week one (something that historically has made me uncomfortable) pushed me outside my usual comfort level, something I honestly never felt the need to do.
why do I have such a hard time with color?
It was interesting and I was able to get more used to the sensation of wearing color, but my “safe” outfits were so much easier and required so much less awareness of my visibility.
I often feel like we make things harder for ourselves than we need to. There is some uniquely American sensibility that says if something's not hard it's not worth doing. We are supposed to be struggling and pushing ourselves, otherwise we must be bad or lazy people.
However, there’s a current trend to create a “soft life” for yourself. In particular, Black women whose ancestors’ lives were all struggle and who still struggle through systemic oppressions every day are reclaiming their right to live a soft life in as many ways they can.
Can we all allow ourselves softness? Can we allow things to be easy? When there are so many things in this dumpster fire of a world that we cannot help, can we try to make the few things we can control as easy as possible?
Sometimes it just takes too much pyschic1 energy to push the boundaries in our clothing. Sometimes we can just wear what we’re comfortable in. Do you feel safe and calm in all black? Great, wear all black and fuck Clinton and Stacey and Tan telling everyone they need to wear more color.
can stylists all just shut up about “defining a waist”? and is Queer Eye fatphobic?
Love wearing wild colors and prints but your mom always told you to tone it down? Wear the crap out of those colors. Does an outfit feel boring unless you add a pop of color? You do you. Does it take too much mental and emotional capacity to field comments about whether you’re pregnant or not? Why shouldn’t you hide your tummy if it makes you feel safe? This is a good time to acknowledge that unfortunately feeling safe in the clothes you actually want to wear isn’t always an option for marginalized groups.
On the other hand, there are certain circumstances where you may have a more joyful experience or make progress if you get out of your comfort zone. Sometimes we need to get out of our comfort zone to stand up for values we believe in. Sometimes our getting outside of our comfort zone normalizes something like the fact that we don't need to define our waists or dress in flattering clothes or conform to societal standards.
From the vault: why is flattering the priority?
Really curious to hear all of your takes on whether staying in your comfort zone is a good thing or not. Like most things, whether people acknowledge it or not, I think this is a gray area with lots of nuance. Sometimes it can be one thing and sometimes it can be another thing. What do you think?
I looked this up to make sure I was using the word correctly and one of the definitions is “relating to the soul or mind”, which was exactly what I was going for so yay.
“But what if constantly trying to push yourself means ignoring that voice in your gut telling you “this doesn’t feel right?” What if getting out of your comfort zone means ignoring your own needs?”
As a trans person this really resonates! I spent most of my life try to wear the things I was “supposed” to wear, because they were “flattering” or “feminine” or whatever else. It turned out that by not trying to center my own feelings about my clothing and by not focusing on wearing things that made *me* feel good, I was actually missing and ignoring a huge part of myself that I didn’t know was there! Giving myself permission to break other people’s rules actually allowed me to know myself better. Comfort can be about more than just physical comfort—emotional comfort is just as important.
It occurs to me reading this that it's very Puritan to think we shouldn't stay in our comfort zone. Stretching in clothing selections being good for our moral fiber like stretching in exercise? But call it a personal style and it's something people try to sell us.
I wear a specific range of teal and turquoise a lot because I like it and I happen to look good in it but basically I like it. One day I said something about having a lot of clothes the same color and a friend said "oh, you have a signature color." That's very different from "I don't break out of this box I'm in." Maybe some (most, all) of this is in the labeling.