“But what if constantly trying to push yourself means ignoring that voice in your gut telling you “this doesn’t feel right?” What if getting out of your comfort zone means ignoring your own needs?”
As a trans person this really resonates! I spent most of my life try to wear the things I was “supposed” to wear, because they were “flattering” or “feminine” or whatever else. It turned out that by not trying to center my own feelings about my clothing and by not focusing on wearing things that made *me* feel good, I was actually missing and ignoring a huge part of myself that I didn’t know was there! Giving myself permission to break other people’s rules actually allowed me to know myself better. Comfort can be about more than just physical comfort—emotional comfort is just as important.
Absolutely! I see this with clients all the time. They are ignoring information their body is trying to tell them. So glad to have your perspective on this.
It occurs to me reading this that it's very Puritan to think we shouldn't stay in our comfort zone. Stretching in clothing selections being good for our moral fiber like stretching in exercise? But call it a personal style and it's something people try to sell us.
I wear a specific range of teal and turquoise a lot because I like it and I happen to look good in it but basically I like it. One day I said something about having a lot of clothes the same color and a friend said "oh, you have a signature color." That's very different from "I don't break out of this box I'm in." Maybe some (most, all) of this is in the labeling.
The lessons most powerful for me these two weeks were (1) I didn't know what my comfort zone was, (2) for whatever reason, when I was uncomfortable with an outfit I had to change immediately - my response was visceral, (3) uniforms bore me, and (4) out of necessity I had to recreate my life into a soft space, including the clothes I wear. Pushing self-imposed and nonsensical boundaries by embracing color to complement a neutral, classic wardrobe has been freeing (cobalt blue, red, and yellow). If that is what is meant by "getting out of our comfort zone" then I guess I'm for it. But for me what this really means is widening the breadth of my comfort zone, which feels less work and more like embrace.
This exercise helped me see my wardrobe anew. (1) Clothes that I couldn't wear for ten minutes - no matter that they're in impeccable condition and put a dent in my wallet - are going out the door this week. (2) Items that I thought I would banish to the donation pile are so comfortable I've fallen in love. Now I'm more in tune with what to buy and what not. I appreciate what it means to shop intentionally. While they may look fabulously retro on James Baldwin, I don't need to emulate his trouser style. And who knew I love skirts?
Between decluttering my entire home and participating in this challenge I have not felt the compulsion to visit Banana Republic, Madewell, COS, or Everlane online sites or brick and mortar stores. If this is what it feels like to be free of slavish devotion to fashion, I sing praise. The Unflattering Toast challenge might have been just the kick in the pants I needed. Thanks. And my debit card thanks you.
I can't speak for anyone else, but life has pushed me out of my comfort zones in so many ways over the last several years that I really don't feel the need to venture outside any of my other ones! My clothes are an area where I can have control and wear what I love. For me, staying in my wardrobe comfort zone is perfect - for now. My spring and summer comfort zone clothes are a striped Breton t-shirt (Old Navy), cotton drawstring chambray pants (J. Crew Factory), and Sperrys. I have a couple of dressier versions for the few occasions where I feel like I need to look a little more polished. Fortunately I'm retired and live in a casual suburban area. It's liberating. If I want to wear the same thing two days in a row, I do. I'm comfortable, I like the way I look, and that's enough for me at this point in my 72 year old life.
Getting out of your comfort zone could mean two things to me.
One: you read want to try something but don’t know how or feel like it’s not expected so you’re worried about other people’s reactions.
Two: you don’t want to do or try something but it’s expected or pushed on you.
I think the first kind is good. I wanted to try darker makeup colors but didn’t know how and was concerned they’d look too intense with my pale skin. I was empowered by my darker glasses frames to try them and I learned (after some trial and error) how to make them look the way I like.
The second kind is the social pressure to do fashion trends. I just tell people that I have a classic style and don’t do trends. On another topic, I get pushed sometimes to do things that feel like bad leadership so I push back and say that’s not my style. It doesn’t mean either is easy to address but it has helped me identify when to actually change something (because I want to and I’m nervous) and when I don’t.
Some days I love being in my comfort zone (Ok…. Most days). But I’m enjoying exploring more prints and brighter colors. Will I always love how I feel in chinos and tshirts? Yes! But I just ordered Anthropologie red barrel chinos. So I think that’s progress 😀
I think we should remain in our comfortable zone. We should feel comfortable in our clothes, with the feel, fit, color, design. That's the whole point, isn't it? I mean, we can't necessarily live 24/7 in yoga pants (miss you, lockdown). I do have a pair of jeans I call "my sweatpants" because they are so comfortable and relaxing -- and, yes, I wear them to work (love you, LA). I think we've all fallen victim to trends, right? (My hand is raised...more than once.) I swear by uniform/capsule wardrobes. I love and feel good in everything I have...and I wear it all to death. They aren't as rigid as they may seem, and it takes that whole "What am I going to wear?" situation out of the game. Best thing I ever did. xo
Identifying what is comfortable to me right now in this season of life and giving myself permission to wear it over and over is so freeing. Also acknowledging that I love fashion, style, looking at clothes and seeing that as a curiosity and a hobby is important. It gives me space to have that curiosity and then have “my closet” and “my style”. I have noticed that separating these things in my mind can free me from impulse buying things like skirts or maxi dresses which I love to look at but do not like to wear in this season of my life. Also realizing that the seasons change…yet some things stay the same. I am currently really comfortable in button downs and slight barrel pants, leggings or shorts. I loved this in elementary and high school too. These clothes feel safe and easy in this hormonally shifting, mom of a 3.5 year old body. And trying out different ways of tucking a shirt or different accessories allows me to “dress up” or change the outfit enough to feel different.
Also thinking about whose eyes or gaze I am dressing for. I can finally say my eyes! And I can go even deeper to my internal body eyes and sensations, which gets into the area of interoception. This is where the magic happens for me. If I start paying attention to my body and it’s wishes and needs and desires, that is honoring my highest self and that feels damn good.
I'm in support of dressing in your comfort zone. I will say that sometimes I get into a rut, though, of wearing the same type of outfit day after day because I don't have the time or energy to put together something different, and when that happens, it tends to drag my mood down. It's like, every time I look in the mirror (or the Zoom self view, which I look at all day as a fully remote therapist), I'm reminded that I was too stressed and pressed for time to put some effort and creativity into my outfit. Whereas the opposite is true when I see my self-view and get a little boost of joy and pride when I've put together something new or different that came together in a pleasing way. I swear I am better at my job on those days because instead of feeling preoccupied and self-conscious--like, "Didn't I wear this last Tuesday? Is this client going to wonder why I always wear this same blue Oxford shirt in their sessions? Should I change before my next session?"--I feel confident and relaxed. One time, a particularly assertive client teased me for wearing the same exact outfit in her session two weeks in a row. I had been telling myself, "No one will remember what you wore last week or care if you always wear this," but then she totally did and that stuck with me.
OK, so sometimes you need a little motivation, that's good info to have. Also, please ignore that client! that shows that she passes judgment on people for repeating outfits which reflects some message she was given and that may or may not align with your values. She is the outlier, most people truly don't remember, I promise.
After I wrote it down, I realized that client is kind of a bully. Even if I noticed someone wearing the same thing twice, I wouldn't call them out on it.
You made me think of my therapist who takes great pride in re-wearing her favorite three skirts and sweaters every week all winter long. I must admit they're cute and I feel an instant comfort when I sit down with her and she flares her skirt. Says, time to get down to business (in a soft way).
OMG, I can't even read the rest of your comment until I tell you you must hide self view! You're therapist you know that's so unnatural! Is there a reason you don't?
Yes, there is a reason. I sit in front of a window and the light outside can do unpredictable things, so it's helpful to be able to see myself in case I'm getting stripes or shadows across my face. I keep it on the setting where my view is a little postage stamp, but I can still see it, plus I see myself in full screen every time I start and end a session.
All the disclaimers: i'm coming from a place of care for you, but you know what's best for you, I don't believe in people giving blanket advice, I apologize for being annoying, etc etc but I feel so strongly about this one! For me and for me only I would have to move my workspace. I've seen the change in peoples perceptions of themselves post pandemic and I believe this is the cause. Hopefully putting on outfits you enjoy will keep some of the discomfort at bay! Again, it is very rare for me to be so forceful, and I feel the need to apologize, so please forgive me!
The good thing about sitting at the window is that I can see the lilac blooming and the hummingbirds coming to drink from it. ;-) I am sometimes nostalgic, though, for the days when I didn't know what my face looked like when I'm talking.
“But what if constantly trying to push yourself means ignoring that voice in your gut telling you “this doesn’t feel right?” What if getting out of your comfort zone means ignoring your own needs?”
As a trans person this really resonates! I spent most of my life try to wear the things I was “supposed” to wear, because they were “flattering” or “feminine” or whatever else. It turned out that by not trying to center my own feelings about my clothing and by not focusing on wearing things that made *me* feel good, I was actually missing and ignoring a huge part of myself that I didn’t know was there! Giving myself permission to break other people’s rules actually allowed me to know myself better. Comfort can be about more than just physical comfort—emotional comfort is just as important.
Absolutely! I see this with clients all the time. They are ignoring information their body is trying to tell them. So glad to have your perspective on this.
It occurs to me reading this that it's very Puritan to think we shouldn't stay in our comfort zone. Stretching in clothing selections being good for our moral fiber like stretching in exercise? But call it a personal style and it's something people try to sell us.
I wear a specific range of teal and turquoise a lot because I like it and I happen to look good in it but basically I like it. One day I said something about having a lot of clothes the same color and a friend said "oh, you have a signature color." That's very different from "I don't break out of this box I'm in." Maybe some (most, all) of this is in the labeling.
Same as Diana, Love thinking of it as your style "signature" rather than staying in the box.
I love framing it as your signature color or signature look.
The lessons most powerful for me these two weeks were (1) I didn't know what my comfort zone was, (2) for whatever reason, when I was uncomfortable with an outfit I had to change immediately - my response was visceral, (3) uniforms bore me, and (4) out of necessity I had to recreate my life into a soft space, including the clothes I wear. Pushing self-imposed and nonsensical boundaries by embracing color to complement a neutral, classic wardrobe has been freeing (cobalt blue, red, and yellow). If that is what is meant by "getting out of our comfort zone" then I guess I'm for it. But for me what this really means is widening the breadth of my comfort zone, which feels less work and more like embrace.
This exercise helped me see my wardrobe anew. (1) Clothes that I couldn't wear for ten minutes - no matter that they're in impeccable condition and put a dent in my wallet - are going out the door this week. (2) Items that I thought I would banish to the donation pile are so comfortable I've fallen in love. Now I'm more in tune with what to buy and what not. I appreciate what it means to shop intentionally. While they may look fabulously retro on James Baldwin, I don't need to emulate his trouser style. And who knew I love skirts?
Yesssss! 🙌 love seeing you have all these realizations!
Between decluttering my entire home and participating in this challenge I have not felt the compulsion to visit Banana Republic, Madewell, COS, or Everlane online sites or brick and mortar stores. If this is what it feels like to be free of slavish devotion to fashion, I sing praise. The Unflattering Toast challenge might have been just the kick in the pants I needed. Thanks. And my debit card thanks you.
I can't speak for anyone else, but life has pushed me out of my comfort zones in so many ways over the last several years that I really don't feel the need to venture outside any of my other ones! My clothes are an area where I can have control and wear what I love. For me, staying in my wardrobe comfort zone is perfect - for now. My spring and summer comfort zone clothes are a striped Breton t-shirt (Old Navy), cotton drawstring chambray pants (J. Crew Factory), and Sperrys. I have a couple of dressier versions for the few occasions where I feel like I need to look a little more polished. Fortunately I'm retired and live in a casual suburban area. It's liberating. If I want to wear the same thing two days in a row, I do. I'm comfortable, I like the way I look, and that's enough for me at this point in my 72 year old life.
Exactly!
Love this.
Getting out of your comfort zone could mean two things to me.
One: you read want to try something but don’t know how or feel like it’s not expected so you’re worried about other people’s reactions.
Two: you don’t want to do or try something but it’s expected or pushed on you.
I think the first kind is good. I wanted to try darker makeup colors but didn’t know how and was concerned they’d look too intense with my pale skin. I was empowered by my darker glasses frames to try them and I learned (after some trial and error) how to make them look the way I like.
The second kind is the social pressure to do fashion trends. I just tell people that I have a classic style and don’t do trends. On another topic, I get pushed sometimes to do things that feel like bad leadership so I push back and say that’s not my style. It doesn’t mean either is easy to address but it has helped me identify when to actually change something (because I want to and I’m nervous) and when I don’t.
You're exactly right - those are the two categories and hopefully we learn how to tell them apart!
Some days I love being in my comfort zone (Ok…. Most days). But I’m enjoying exploring more prints and brighter colors. Will I always love how I feel in chinos and tshirts? Yes! But I just ordered Anthropologie red barrel chinos. So I think that’s progress 😀
nice!! keep me posted on the pants!
Embracing things that provide us with comfort doesn’t get enough credit for how powerful it can be!
I think we should remain in our comfortable zone. We should feel comfortable in our clothes, with the feel, fit, color, design. That's the whole point, isn't it? I mean, we can't necessarily live 24/7 in yoga pants (miss you, lockdown). I do have a pair of jeans I call "my sweatpants" because they are so comfortable and relaxing -- and, yes, I wear them to work (love you, LA). I think we've all fallen victim to trends, right? (My hand is raised...more than once.) I swear by uniform/capsule wardrobes. I love and feel good in everything I have...and I wear it all to death. They aren't as rigid as they may seem, and it takes that whole "What am I going to wear?" situation out of the game. Best thing I ever did. xo
agree!!
Identifying what is comfortable to me right now in this season of life and giving myself permission to wear it over and over is so freeing. Also acknowledging that I love fashion, style, looking at clothes and seeing that as a curiosity and a hobby is important. It gives me space to have that curiosity and then have “my closet” and “my style”. I have noticed that separating these things in my mind can free me from impulse buying things like skirts or maxi dresses which I love to look at but do not like to wear in this season of my life. Also realizing that the seasons change…yet some things stay the same. I am currently really comfortable in button downs and slight barrel pants, leggings or shorts. I loved this in elementary and high school too. These clothes feel safe and easy in this hormonally shifting, mom of a 3.5 year old body. And trying out different ways of tucking a shirt or different accessories allows me to “dress up” or change the outfit enough to feel different.
Also thinking about whose eyes or gaze I am dressing for. I can finally say my eyes! And I can go even deeper to my internal body eyes and sensations, which gets into the area of interoception. This is where the magic happens for me. If I start paying attention to my body and it’s wishes and needs and desires, that is honoring my highest self and that feels damn good.
I love all of this so much! It really is freeing and this is certainly a time of your life(toddler) when you need some comfort and ease.
I love every bit of this. Thank you.
I'm in support of dressing in your comfort zone. I will say that sometimes I get into a rut, though, of wearing the same type of outfit day after day because I don't have the time or energy to put together something different, and when that happens, it tends to drag my mood down. It's like, every time I look in the mirror (or the Zoom self view, which I look at all day as a fully remote therapist), I'm reminded that I was too stressed and pressed for time to put some effort and creativity into my outfit. Whereas the opposite is true when I see my self-view and get a little boost of joy and pride when I've put together something new or different that came together in a pleasing way. I swear I am better at my job on those days because instead of feeling preoccupied and self-conscious--like, "Didn't I wear this last Tuesday? Is this client going to wonder why I always wear this same blue Oxford shirt in their sessions? Should I change before my next session?"--I feel confident and relaxed. One time, a particularly assertive client teased me for wearing the same exact outfit in her session two weeks in a row. I had been telling myself, "No one will remember what you wore last week or care if you always wear this," but then she totally did and that stuck with me.
OK, so sometimes you need a little motivation, that's good info to have. Also, please ignore that client! that shows that she passes judgment on people for repeating outfits which reflects some message she was given and that may or may not align with your values. She is the outlier, most people truly don't remember, I promise.
After I wrote it down, I realized that client is kind of a bully. Even if I noticed someone wearing the same thing twice, I wouldn't call them out on it.
You made me think of my therapist who takes great pride in re-wearing her favorite three skirts and sweaters every week all winter long. I must admit they're cute and I feel an instant comfort when I sit down with her and she flares her skirt. Says, time to get down to business (in a soft way).
OMG, I can't even read the rest of your comment until I tell you you must hide self view! You're therapist you know that's so unnatural! Is there a reason you don't?
Yes, there is a reason. I sit in front of a window and the light outside can do unpredictable things, so it's helpful to be able to see myself in case I'm getting stripes or shadows across my face. I keep it on the setting where my view is a little postage stamp, but I can still see it, plus I see myself in full screen every time I start and end a session.
All the disclaimers: i'm coming from a place of care for you, but you know what's best for you, I don't believe in people giving blanket advice, I apologize for being annoying, etc etc but I feel so strongly about this one! For me and for me only I would have to move my workspace. I've seen the change in peoples perceptions of themselves post pandemic and I believe this is the cause. Hopefully putting on outfits you enjoy will keep some of the discomfort at bay! Again, it is very rare for me to be so forceful, and I feel the need to apologize, so please forgive me!
The good thing about sitting at the window is that I can see the lilac blooming and the hummingbirds coming to drink from it. ;-) I am sometimes nostalgic, though, for the days when I didn't know what my face looked like when I'm talking.
totally understand