As we come up to elections, I also am reminded of the impact of style and fashion on women in that arena. Hilary and pants suits, Monica and the dress, the skirt suit, and even an episode of Bold Type (highly recommend) where a politician admits to wearing polarizing outfits to change the story after unlocked votes all stand as comments on so much about our world. Comments on age, gender, voice, standing, reputation... Which got me to a video on YouTube about presidential names that specially said that women candidates use their first name to seem less intimidating.
Did the society at large reduce females in politics to their clothes? Did they impact how I look at these women? How I look at women in my personal life?
It has been a long week. And I plan to wear safe, comfortable clothes tomorrow and my "old lady" comfy shoes to go vote.
In 1980 I began the journey (with Carol Munter, whose NYC class inspired Susie Orbach's Fat Is A Feminist Issue) that changed my life and the focus of my therapy practice. With extraordinary and ongoing gratitude, this journey of finding peace with food and body has allowed me to age with compassion and respect for my aging body, with an ongoing commitment to strength, eating for hunger and pleasure (and a diagnosis or two), checking out the changes as they happen with interest (and sometimes sardonic amusement), and making the most in strength and enjoyment of my aging body. The bias against aging women is, of course, even wider than strictly body—in professions it is assumed we are past our prime, and yet so many of us (I am sure) are flourishing and excelling in our work after many years of practice—and yet (I see on social media) the odds of attention seem to diminish. The gatekeepers are often much younger, and there's rarely a day on social media where you can't find (in my case) a writer or poet bemoaning "feeling old". My first book, REENI'S TURN—the first book to actively challenge the diet industry's impact on younger (9-11) children—came out in 2020, when I was almost 72. Now 74, my work is stronger than ever. My body, with all its changes, is still a "treasure map of my life" (as Carol Munter always said). I love clothing it with color and clothing that gives me pleasure. One by one, and together, if we dress as we wish, speak as we wish, and work as we wish, maybe we can see some change. Even if we don't, I'll never stop trying.
I'm diggin' this topic! I feel like I'm in the thick of it at 46, with mom-bod (is that a thing?), and perimenopause. I have to say that I'm kind of enjoying finding my mid-life style and exploring the transition to getting older - it's fun to figure out what I actually like versus what I've been told will look good on me. I've never had the "ideal" body, so I got away with having a funkier, more artsy aesthetic. AND my original teenage, '90s style that was alternative and fringe is now main stream and everywhere! I'm finding that I will always love a chunky shoe, statement jewelry, and positive ease. Those "old ladies" have seen every style come and go (and come and go again), and I think they have better perspective on what matters in life and how to leave the b.s. behind. And I'm all for the young girls playing with all the styles - making the old new again and having fun with it, I think they have a tougher time of it these days!
Yes, there is a mom bod. I am 70, and I weigh things I like. I have seen styles and stores come and go. I have shopped at Chico and Talbots because my aunt and mother did. I have done the mail order shopping thing. I now accept my (and my husband's) body though that wasn't always so. Vive la difference! Yes, ageism lives. I dyed my hair for work, then stopped when I retired. You just live.
As my elderly neighbour lady says, "There are two types of old ladies: fat ones and skinny ones." Looks like I'm on track to be a fat one. And for me, comfort comes before style, though there are many comfortable, stylish clothes. I'm getting a ton of mileage out of a Nor Black Nor White dress I bought last year.
This is a fascinating discussion, particularly since I guess I identify as a genuine "old lady". I'm 71. I wear jeans and a top (striped Breton,, sweatshirt, sweater) every day. My grandmothers dressed very differently, from me and from each other. One was an upper class doctor's wife and wore beautiful tweed suits and fur coats. Her lipstick colors were Revlon's Cherries in the Snow and Fire and Ice. My other grandmother owned a hardware store and wore plain dresses and lace up shoes. When she was at home, she always wore an apron and had a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. I admired them both! I recently became a grandmother and my style remains the same.
Thank you, Dacy, for bringing such thoughtful topics for us to discuss. One question: is there a way to indicate new posts and replies? I reload the page periodically to see new ones, but I've been going through the whole thread every time. Is there another way to do that? Maybe I'm missing something. Thanks!
I love hearing all the grandmother style stories! I'm not sure about the replies - I know you can sort by newest posts at the top, but don't think that does anything for the replies. Anyone else know??
There is so much size priveledge in all these conversations, which I appreciate you calling out! So many things that get critiqued about "old lady clothes" are also true of the mainstream plus size options (though this is getting better) but it just makes think about how much more leeway we give for thin bodies to be seen as fashionable no matter what they wear: what is boho on a thin frame is seen as frumpy on a larger frame. What's sexy on a size 2 is trashy on a size 20. What's adorably retro on a thin 20 something is sad/dowdy on a fat 40 year old (like we assume only thin people can dress ironically or intentionally?). It is just a big bummer.
Yes yes yes! All of this. This plays into so much of it. A tall slender woman wearing layers of linen is cool and elegant. A short barrel-shaped woman in the same outfit is assumed to be hiding her bulges. A calico dress with ruffles on someone tall and thin--prairie chic. On me, pioneer grandma in the kitchen, and not necessarily in a good way in the eyes of the general public. I could go on and on--so many looks I love, but I know would be perceived as frumpy or "old" or wrong on my body. I realize this is internalized nonsense, but at the same time it is the world we live in so it's tough to disentangle.
My post tomorrow is W-T-Fashion, and it's my rant on giving the finger to trends and finding our own sustainable styles (your 'stack is lovingly mentioned). I had a large, double-knit or shift-wearing grammy and a thinner, more stylish gramma, and appreciated her flare for accessorizing. As someone in her mid-50s (FFS), I'm gonna wear what I want to wear. What's comfortable and makes me happy. I don't care if it's of-the-moment or not. I think we've already run the gamut on trends. They are all repetitive, done to death, repurposed and repackaged. We might as well like what we wear, and wear things we feel good in. No matter what our age. xo
My grandmothers were both considered to be conventionally beautiful, and stayed conventionally beautiful (including very skinny) as they aged. They dressed very intentionally, each in a style they had developed over a lifetime. I used to borrow clothes and accessories from them as a teenager, to mix with pieces from my own teenage wardrobe. So I'm pausing and wondering where I received the concept of "old lady clothes" (and the concern about avoiding it as I entered middle age)... Because I definitely resonated with it when I read it in Dacy's post.
I’m 63. I spent 45+ years feeling like I had the wrong body, wrong hair, wrong clothes, etc. I’m just over it and now I wear comfortable clothes that fit right (no more squeezing into smaller sizes). I could give a rats ass if anyone younger thinks I’m frumpy. What a waste of energy. I wish I had those 40 years of discontent to redo. I’d have had so much more energy for things that actually matter. If you’re young and reading this my advice is get comfy and stop worrying. Life goes by and if you’re lucky you’ll be an old lady anyway.
AMEN! My Oma has always said that getting old is always better than the alternative ❤️ I’m 42 and am fully embracing what you are right now - no more years of regret
Jun 20, 2023·edited Jun 20, 2023Liked by Dacy Gillespie
I’m 51. I have so many thoughts on aging and style, but 2 things come to mind in response to your excellent post: I think we need to do ourselves and others a favor and not only let go of the numbers on a label (i.e., the size) but also the words (i.e., the brand). Every single brand out there has items that are worth a look, and we all do one another no favors when we generalize an entire brand as this or that. I’ve certainly done it since I was a teen who was very aware of what was ‘in’ or ‘out’, but now I’m much more interested in finding items that work for me, regardless of the label. I still have to work through it sometimes, but it’s getting easier. Also, we clearly need to be better as a society in how we talk about aging — by that, I mean we need to get real about our fears and name them rather than just say we don’t want to be “old”. Old means a lot of things, so what do we mean when we say it? Slower? Unwell? And can society please stop implying that old is ugly and therefore all signs of it need to be hidden or erased or lied about at any cost? Yes, aging is scary. We’ve all seen what can happen. We know what happens at the end of it — and it’s a very primal and real fear. But there is so much to celebrate, too. I’ve known so many friends and family members who died young — teens, 30s, 40s, 50s… getting to the age I am is such a huge blessing. I wear my silver hair and softening body with pride, and take care of it (including dressing it) the best way I can. And I give serious shade to anyone who implies that I’m somehow less-than simply because I have more years under my belt. Screw them. (Woo! I guess I have thoughts this morning. Thank you, Dacy, for making space for conversations like this. They’re so important to have!)
Absolutely, there's only one other option besides aging, and I'll take being older and alive any day! I also totally agree with you about the brand generalization. In practice, I always tell my clients we don't discriminate when it comes to brands and we find the best option for what they need regardless of brand, but I realize I'm still categorizing them in my head.
I buy LL Bean and wear capris. If someone says that’s “old lady” they can see my middle finger. What about the “cottage core” fad? Cool on young thin people but “old lady” on older?
My standards for personal modesty for myself are my own. Someone else saying my preferences for myself are antiquated is them being antiquated…judging me by their standards.
Damn right I “gave up”. I gave up on being uncomfortable! I wear clothes that are comfortable, that don’t pinch and give me room to move. I love positive ease and boots that are made for walking…lots of miles! On one trip to Paris, I walked over 100 miles. In Rome, I recommend something comfortable, because those cobblestones are a beotch.
My free time now is mostly out on trails in a sun hat, a long sleeved sun shirt from Columbia and LL Bean pants. Because I don’t want skin cancer and Lyme disease.
I’m 57 and stopped coloring my hair for my 50th birthday, because I was tired of coloring it every 3 weeks. I went hiking on the Kalalau Trail on Kauai instead. Wearing capri hiking pants!
I just got a pair of LL Bean shorts for hiking and fitness walking that are actually comfortable! I’m kind of surprised. They are called Vista Camp Bermuda shorts. They have a very wide waistband of tiered elastic but instead of pinching or being stiff, it’s soft! And they stay UP. I have a problem with anything that fits my hips, is too big for my waist and slides down. These shorts have a drawstring too, and I am surprised that the drawstring is soft elastic too. But it works. The fabric is thin quick dry, SPF, and allows the breeze through. It’s nearing 90 degrees where I am so these shorts are like the holy grail! I’m ordering more. Probably will order the pants in that line too for hiking.
Oh my goodness yes! My favorites are the Vista Camp slim leg pants! I’ve worn them for years and they’re the BEST. They’re amazing for hiking, teaching and just life in general. I like my legs covered for hiking bc bugs and dirt, but they’re still cool enough, and I’ve actually gone swimming in them and they dry so fast. I love that we have both discovered the amazingness of Vista Camp 🥰 The only reason I have to buy any other pants is because they’re too thin and cold for a Wisconsin winter. I also love their jackets and sweatshirts / fleeces, and flannels and backpacks, and my husband swears by their flannel lined jeans for winter.
I just treated myself to an LL Bean daypack, the 22L Ridgerunner, it arrived this week. I’ve been hauling around a $15 “pack” that stuffs into its own stuff pocket for the past two years. 😆 Since it looks like my decision to have fun outside as opposed to inside will be long term, I want something with a hip belt and attachment for my trekking poles.
This past winter I purchased an LL Bean Scotch Plaid Tunic, I loved it so much I got another one. I lived in those all winter.
My favorite fleece is Columbia Lodge Sherpa Full Zip.
I like it that Columbia and LL Bean have more inclusive sizing.
Have you tried hiking sandals? I do sometimes hike in sandals because it’s so hot where I am (Georgia) but I think I shouldn’t because of snakes.
A couple days ago I ordered an accessory…bear spray with a holster! 😆 Bear sightings are up here.
Sorry I didn’t define it! I probably learned it from knitting patterns and from Ravelry, the website for knitting and crochet. Positive ease for roomy and negative ease for tight. I assume it’s a design term.
I don't have much to add, I haven't thought about this very much, but Dacy I love that when someone challenged you on something you didn't get angry or embarrassed, you just got curious and decided to analyze and try and reframe. What a healthy way to deal with it!
I follow a bunch of street style instagram accounts, and my hands down favorite is @ladiesofmadisonavenue. The vast majority of the women profiled are over 60 and they all look fabulous. While their styles are all completely different, they seem to be dressing in things that make them happy and feel good, and it is usually a mix of old and new. They inspire me to invest in better things I can have forever, and to think about how I can remix what I already have.
Like everyone who is young, I worry about aging. That's why I look to people older than me to see how they're doing it. Of course, this started with my own badass grandma, who lived to be months short of her 99th birthday. She dressed "like a little old lady" and it drove my mother nuts. To me, though, Grandma was just being Grandma. She would wear tailed jackets over a blouse, and she always wore neutral slacks with the nice moccasin style shoes you used to be able to get at Macy's or J.C. Penneys.
Some other people who have taught me a lot about aging:
Mona Eltahawy writes about menopause on her Feminist Giant publication. We don't discuss menopause nearly enough, and that causes many problems and triggers anxiety in people.
Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin in Grace and Frankie make aging seem less scary. I feel like I will grow up to be a mixture of both characters, and I intend to have as much fun as those two do when I'm that age.
I also have a few fashion icons who are older. There's a person I follow on Instagram called baddywinkle, and I aspire to be on her level. She wears whatever makes her happy, screw what old people "should" wear, and it is delightful.
Huge Oldster fan here! The pieces are poignant, inspiring, introspective, and a general celebration of the badassery that can accompany taking control of our own narrative as we age.
I agree, we don’t talk about menopause enough. I’m post-menopausal and try to talk about it with my peers, it’s like pulling teeth. Many women seem to suffer through it without talking to their doctors. I immediately talked to my doctor as soon as I had life changing symptoms. HRT has been great for me. We don’t have to suffer through night sweats and other symptoms (some cringe worthy). Just last week I read an article about a woman who died by suicide because of menopause symptoms!
I was lucky to find, after focused search, a midwife where I live who specializes in menopause. It’s hard to find a doctor/medical professional who does. Birth is the focus, even though we are all going to experience menopause and some people have severe symptoms with it (not all). The midwife changed my prescriptions and it made a huge difference. I wish I’d gotten a second opinion and changed medical providers years earlier.
Did you see the article in Washington Post about Halle Berry's testimony before Congress on the women's health bill? The first thing she did was yell, "I AM IN MENOPAUSE!" She shocked the room.
Speaking as an old lady, some of the dislike of "old lady" clothing and shoes is related to our fear of disability and mortality. You see old ladies wearing black, lace-up shoes (maybe the old SAS brand before they got sold) with church dresses and you realize that the shoes help prevent falls. You look at easy-on, easy-off clothing and realize that it's useful for those with limited mobility and arthritis. No one wants to be associated with that -- we fear it! If you think about it too hard, you realize that slightly baggier pants, especially stretchy baggy pants, work well with adult diapers.
One can say, "Well, we should just become more comfortable with disability and mortality, and learn to love the beauty of the end of life", but the end of life isn't very beautiful and the fear of death is pretty deeply rooted. So I have no answers, just more analysis.
Love this. And have to add that disability-phobia is also prevalent with kids clothes. My nephew had a feeding button in his stomach til he was 16 and I learned a lot about how fashion excludes those outside of the desirability scale.
100%. As someone young(ish) with mobility issues I've turned to preppy clothes to fill this gap - women's clothing that is functional, easy on/off but still shows some personality and tailored enough to look classic, not sloppy (I hope!).
Yes! Also neuropathy, which is much more common than I thought but I’m experiencing at 51! Finding shoes that are comfortable and stylish is not easy! As a lifelong shoe lover who spent the majority of my 30’s and 40’s in heels and pointed toe flats it’s been a complete transformation of my style dealing with my feet.
This is a huge aspect of this that I totally didn't think of - thank you so much for sharing this perspective. It absolutely makes sense that any whiff of disability turns us (as a society) off.
This post found me today and wow.
As we come up to elections, I also am reminded of the impact of style and fashion on women in that arena. Hilary and pants suits, Monica and the dress, the skirt suit, and even an episode of Bold Type (highly recommend) where a politician admits to wearing polarizing outfits to change the story after unlocked votes all stand as comments on so much about our world. Comments on age, gender, voice, standing, reputation... Which got me to a video on YouTube about presidential names that specially said that women candidates use their first name to seem less intimidating.
Did the society at large reduce females in politics to their clothes? Did they impact how I look at these women? How I look at women in my personal life?
It has been a long week. And I plan to wear safe, comfortable clothes tomorrow and my "old lady" comfy shoes to go vote.
In 1980 I began the journey (with Carol Munter, whose NYC class inspired Susie Orbach's Fat Is A Feminist Issue) that changed my life and the focus of my therapy practice. With extraordinary and ongoing gratitude, this journey of finding peace with food and body has allowed me to age with compassion and respect for my aging body, with an ongoing commitment to strength, eating for hunger and pleasure (and a diagnosis or two), checking out the changes as they happen with interest (and sometimes sardonic amusement), and making the most in strength and enjoyment of my aging body. The bias against aging women is, of course, even wider than strictly body—in professions it is assumed we are past our prime, and yet so many of us (I am sure) are flourishing and excelling in our work after many years of practice—and yet (I see on social media) the odds of attention seem to diminish. The gatekeepers are often much younger, and there's rarely a day on social media where you can't find (in my case) a writer or poet bemoaning "feeling old". My first book, REENI'S TURN—the first book to actively challenge the diet industry's impact on younger (9-11) children—came out in 2020, when I was almost 72. Now 74, my work is stronger than ever. My body, with all its changes, is still a "treasure map of my life" (as Carol Munter always said). I love clothing it with color and clothing that gives me pleasure. One by one, and together, if we dress as we wish, speak as we wish, and work as we wish, maybe we can see some change. Even if we don't, I'll never stop trying.
Love ALL of this!
I'm diggin' this topic! I feel like I'm in the thick of it at 46, with mom-bod (is that a thing?), and perimenopause. I have to say that I'm kind of enjoying finding my mid-life style and exploring the transition to getting older - it's fun to figure out what I actually like versus what I've been told will look good on me. I've never had the "ideal" body, so I got away with having a funkier, more artsy aesthetic. AND my original teenage, '90s style that was alternative and fringe is now main stream and everywhere! I'm finding that I will always love a chunky shoe, statement jewelry, and positive ease. Those "old ladies" have seen every style come and go (and come and go again), and I think they have better perspective on what matters in life and how to leave the b.s. behind. And I'm all for the young girls playing with all the styles - making the old new again and having fun with it, I think they have a tougher time of it these days!
Yes, there is a mom bod. I am 70, and I weigh things I like. I have seen styles and stores come and go. I have shopped at Chico and Talbots because my aunt and mother did. I have done the mail order shopping thing. I now accept my (and my husband's) body though that wasn't always so. Vive la difference! Yes, ageism lives. I dyed my hair for work, then stopped when I retired. You just live.
As my elderly neighbour lady says, "There are two types of old ladies: fat ones and skinny ones." Looks like I'm on track to be a fat one. And for me, comfort comes before style, though there are many comfortable, stylish clothes. I'm getting a ton of mileage out of a Nor Black Nor White dress I bought last year.
What beautiful dresses! Thanks for into'ing me to that company!
Have u heard any of Lyn Slaters work
https://open.substack.com/pub/lynslater?r=hk4v2&utm_medium=ios
Yes, I've followed her for years. It's too bad it doesn't look like she's updating her substack!
This is a fascinating discussion, particularly since I guess I identify as a genuine "old lady". I'm 71. I wear jeans and a top (striped Breton,, sweatshirt, sweater) every day. My grandmothers dressed very differently, from me and from each other. One was an upper class doctor's wife and wore beautiful tweed suits and fur coats. Her lipstick colors were Revlon's Cherries in the Snow and Fire and Ice. My other grandmother owned a hardware store and wore plain dresses and lace up shoes. When she was at home, she always wore an apron and had a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. I admired them both! I recently became a grandmother and my style remains the same.
Thank you, Dacy, for bringing such thoughtful topics for us to discuss. One question: is there a way to indicate new posts and replies? I reload the page periodically to see new ones, but I've been going through the whole thread every time. Is there another way to do that? Maybe I'm missing something. Thanks!
I love hearing all the grandmother style stories! I'm not sure about the replies - I know you can sort by newest posts at the top, but don't think that does anything for the replies. Anyone else know??
There is so much size priveledge in all these conversations, which I appreciate you calling out! So many things that get critiqued about "old lady clothes" are also true of the mainstream plus size options (though this is getting better) but it just makes think about how much more leeway we give for thin bodies to be seen as fashionable no matter what they wear: what is boho on a thin frame is seen as frumpy on a larger frame. What's sexy on a size 2 is trashy on a size 20. What's adorably retro on a thin 20 something is sad/dowdy on a fat 40 year old (like we assume only thin people can dress ironically or intentionally?). It is just a big bummer.
Yes! - and I think it takes more actual skill to design and create clothes for bodies with curves and depth
Yes yes yes! All of this. This plays into so much of it. A tall slender woman wearing layers of linen is cool and elegant. A short barrel-shaped woman in the same outfit is assumed to be hiding her bulges. A calico dress with ruffles on someone tall and thin--prairie chic. On me, pioneer grandma in the kitchen, and not necessarily in a good way in the eyes of the general public. I could go on and on--so many looks I love, but I know would be perceived as frumpy or "old" or wrong on my body. I realize this is internalized nonsense, but at the same time it is the world we live in so it's tough to disentangle.
My post tomorrow is W-T-Fashion, and it's my rant on giving the finger to trends and finding our own sustainable styles (your 'stack is lovingly mentioned). I had a large, double-knit or shift-wearing grammy and a thinner, more stylish gramma, and appreciated her flare for accessorizing. As someone in her mid-50s (FFS), I'm gonna wear what I want to wear. What's comfortable and makes me happy. I don't care if it's of-the-moment or not. I think we've already run the gamut on trends. They are all repetitive, done to death, repurposed and repackaged. We might as well like what we wear, and wear things we feel good in. No matter what our age. xo
Totally agree!!
My grandmothers were both considered to be conventionally beautiful, and stayed conventionally beautiful (including very skinny) as they aged. They dressed very intentionally, each in a style they had developed over a lifetime. I used to borrow clothes and accessories from them as a teenager, to mix with pieces from my own teenage wardrobe. So I'm pausing and wondering where I received the concept of "old lady clothes" (and the concern about avoiding it as I entered middle age)... Because I definitely resonated with it when I read it in Dacy's post.
I’m 63. I spent 45+ years feeling like I had the wrong body, wrong hair, wrong clothes, etc. I’m just over it and now I wear comfortable clothes that fit right (no more squeezing into smaller sizes). I could give a rats ass if anyone younger thinks I’m frumpy. What a waste of energy. I wish I had those 40 years of discontent to redo. I’d have had so much more energy for things that actually matter. If you’re young and reading this my advice is get comfy and stop worrying. Life goes by and if you’re lucky you’ll be an old lady anyway.
AMEN! My Oma has always said that getting old is always better than the alternative ❤️ I’m 42 and am fully embracing what you are right now - no more years of regret
I think this is the most important takeaway. Thank you!
I’m 51. I have so many thoughts on aging and style, but 2 things come to mind in response to your excellent post: I think we need to do ourselves and others a favor and not only let go of the numbers on a label (i.e., the size) but also the words (i.e., the brand). Every single brand out there has items that are worth a look, and we all do one another no favors when we generalize an entire brand as this or that. I’ve certainly done it since I was a teen who was very aware of what was ‘in’ or ‘out’, but now I’m much more interested in finding items that work for me, regardless of the label. I still have to work through it sometimes, but it’s getting easier. Also, we clearly need to be better as a society in how we talk about aging — by that, I mean we need to get real about our fears and name them rather than just say we don’t want to be “old”. Old means a lot of things, so what do we mean when we say it? Slower? Unwell? And can society please stop implying that old is ugly and therefore all signs of it need to be hidden or erased or lied about at any cost? Yes, aging is scary. We’ve all seen what can happen. We know what happens at the end of it — and it’s a very primal and real fear. But there is so much to celebrate, too. I’ve known so many friends and family members who died young — teens, 30s, 40s, 50s… getting to the age I am is such a huge blessing. I wear my silver hair and softening body with pride, and take care of it (including dressing it) the best way I can. And I give serious shade to anyone who implies that I’m somehow less-than simply because I have more years under my belt. Screw them. (Woo! I guess I have thoughts this morning. Thank you, Dacy, for making space for conversations like this. They’re so important to have!)
Absolutely, there's only one other option besides aging, and I'll take being older and alive any day! I also totally agree with you about the brand generalization. In practice, I always tell my clients we don't discriminate when it comes to brands and we find the best option for what they need regardless of brand, but I realize I'm still categorizing them in my head.
I buy LL Bean and wear capris. If someone says that’s “old lady” they can see my middle finger. What about the “cottage core” fad? Cool on young thin people but “old lady” on older?
My standards for personal modesty for myself are my own. Someone else saying my preferences for myself are antiquated is them being antiquated…judging me by their standards.
Damn right I “gave up”. I gave up on being uncomfortable! I wear clothes that are comfortable, that don’t pinch and give me room to move. I love positive ease and boots that are made for walking…lots of miles! On one trip to Paris, I walked over 100 miles. In Rome, I recommend something comfortable, because those cobblestones are a beotch.
My free time now is mostly out on trails in a sun hat, a long sleeved sun shirt from Columbia and LL Bean pants. Because I don’t want skin cancer and Lyme disease.
I’m 57 and stopped coloring my hair for my 50th birthday, because I was tired of coloring it every 3 weeks. I went hiking on the Kalalau Trail on Kauai instead. Wearing capri hiking pants!
LL Bean is my FAVORITE and I have considered it a cool brand my entire life! And I have also stopped coloring my hair at 42 ❤️
I just got a pair of LL Bean shorts for hiking and fitness walking that are actually comfortable! I’m kind of surprised. They are called Vista Camp Bermuda shorts. They have a very wide waistband of tiered elastic but instead of pinching or being stiff, it’s soft! And they stay UP. I have a problem with anything that fits my hips, is too big for my waist and slides down. These shorts have a drawstring too, and I am surprised that the drawstring is soft elastic too. But it works. The fabric is thin quick dry, SPF, and allows the breeze through. It’s nearing 90 degrees where I am so these shorts are like the holy grail! I’m ordering more. Probably will order the pants in that line too for hiking.
Do you have any LL Bean favorites?
Oh my goodness yes! My favorites are the Vista Camp slim leg pants! I’ve worn them for years and they’re the BEST. They’re amazing for hiking, teaching and just life in general. I like my legs covered for hiking bc bugs and dirt, but they’re still cool enough, and I’ve actually gone swimming in them and they dry so fast. I love that we have both discovered the amazingness of Vista Camp 🥰 The only reason I have to buy any other pants is because they’re too thin and cold for a Wisconsin winter. I also love their jackets and sweatshirts / fleeces, and flannels and backpacks, and my husband swears by their flannel lined jeans for winter.
I just treated myself to an LL Bean daypack, the 22L Ridgerunner, it arrived this week. I’ve been hauling around a $15 “pack” that stuffs into its own stuff pocket for the past two years. 😆 Since it looks like my decision to have fun outside as opposed to inside will be long term, I want something with a hip belt and attachment for my trekking poles.
This past winter I purchased an LL Bean Scotch Plaid Tunic, I loved it so much I got another one. I lived in those all winter.
My favorite fleece is Columbia Lodge Sherpa Full Zip.
I like it that Columbia and LL Bean have more inclusive sizing.
Have you tried hiking sandals? I do sometimes hike in sandals because it’s so hot where I am (Georgia) but I think I shouldn’t because of snakes.
A couple days ago I ordered an accessory…bear spray with a holster! 😆 Bear sightings are up here.
I do hike in my Tevas sometimes!
Googled "positive ease," and now in love with this phrase... :)
Sorry I didn’t define it! I probably learned it from knitting patterns and from Ravelry, the website for knitting and crochet. Positive ease for roomy and negative ease for tight. I assume it’s a design term.
Love these responses and this attitude!!!
Love all of this. Cheers!
I don't have much to add, I haven't thought about this very much, but Dacy I love that when someone challenged you on something you didn't get angry or embarrassed, you just got curious and decided to analyze and try and reframe. What a healthy way to deal with it!
I follow a bunch of street style instagram accounts, and my hands down favorite is @ladiesofmadisonavenue. The vast majority of the women profiled are over 60 and they all look fabulous. While their styles are all completely different, they seem to be dressing in things that make them happy and feel good, and it is usually a mix of old and new. They inspire me to invest in better things I can have forever, and to think about how I can remix what I already have.
Like everyone who is young, I worry about aging. That's why I look to people older than me to see how they're doing it. Of course, this started with my own badass grandma, who lived to be months short of her 99th birthday. She dressed "like a little old lady" and it drove my mother nuts. To me, though, Grandma was just being Grandma. She would wear tailed jackets over a blouse, and she always wore neutral slacks with the nice moccasin style shoes you used to be able to get at Macy's or J.C. Penneys.
Some other people who have taught me a lot about aging:
Mona Eltahawy writes about menopause on her Feminist Giant publication. We don't discuss menopause nearly enough, and that causes many problems and triggers anxiety in people.
Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin in Grace and Frankie make aging seem less scary. I feel like I will grow up to be a mixture of both characters, and I intend to have as much fun as those two do when I'm that age.
I also have a few fashion icons who are older. There's a person I follow on Instagram called baddywinkle, and I aspire to be on her level. She wears whatever makes her happy, screw what old people "should" wear, and it is delightful.
Love the recommendations. Also just discovered literally today https://oldster.substack.com/
Huge Oldster fan here! The pieces are poignant, inspiring, introspective, and a general celebration of the badassery that can accompany taking control of our own narrative as we age.
Seconding the oldster love😊
I agree, we don’t talk about menopause enough. I’m post-menopausal and try to talk about it with my peers, it’s like pulling teeth. Many women seem to suffer through it without talking to their doctors. I immediately talked to my doctor as soon as I had life changing symptoms. HRT has been great for me. We don’t have to suffer through night sweats and other symptoms (some cringe worthy). Just last week I read an article about a woman who died by suicide because of menopause symptoms!
I was lucky to find, after focused search, a midwife where I live who specializes in menopause. It’s hard to find a doctor/medical professional who does. Birth is the focus, even though we are all going to experience menopause and some people have severe symptoms with it (not all). The midwife changed my prescriptions and it made a huge difference. I wish I’d gotten a second opinion and changed medical providers years earlier.
Did you see the article in Washington Post about Halle Berry's testimony before Congress on the women's health bill? The first thing she did was yell, "I AM IN MENOPAUSE!" She shocked the room.
I didn’t see that but I understand the sentiment. I’d like to yell that at my green behind the ears young doctor.
Speaking as an old lady, some of the dislike of "old lady" clothing and shoes is related to our fear of disability and mortality. You see old ladies wearing black, lace-up shoes (maybe the old SAS brand before they got sold) with church dresses and you realize that the shoes help prevent falls. You look at easy-on, easy-off clothing and realize that it's useful for those with limited mobility and arthritis. No one wants to be associated with that -- we fear it! If you think about it too hard, you realize that slightly baggier pants, especially stretchy baggy pants, work well with adult diapers.
One can say, "Well, we should just become more comfortable with disability and mortality, and learn to love the beauty of the end of life", but the end of life isn't very beautiful and the fear of death is pretty deeply rooted. So I have no answers, just more analysis.
This is spot on Mariana!
Love this. And have to add that disability-phobia is also prevalent with kids clothes. My nephew had a feeding button in his stomach til he was 16 and I learned a lot about how fashion excludes those outside of the desirability scale.
100%. As someone young(ish) with mobility issues I've turned to preppy clothes to fill this gap - women's clothing that is functional, easy on/off but still shows some personality and tailored enough to look classic, not sloppy (I hope!).
My mom told me she lost collagen/padding on the bottoms of her feet as she aged. That impacts shoe choice too.
Yes! Also neuropathy, which is much more common than I thought but I’m experiencing at 51! Finding shoes that are comfortable and stylish is not easy! As a lifelong shoe lover who spent the majority of my 30’s and 40’s in heels and pointed toe flats it’s been a complete transformation of my style dealing with my feet.
Definitely.
This is a huge aspect of this that I totally didn't think of - thank you so much for sharing this perspective. It absolutely makes sense that any whiff of disability turns us (as a society) off.