Style AMA:

how do you try on clothes if you experience sensory overload?

A theme that has emerged in the comment sections recently is thinking about our sensory needs when buying clothes and getting dressed. When I last asked for style AMA questions, a couple came in on the same topic:

“How do you try on clothes if you’re sensory overloaded?”

“What are your thoughts on navigating shopping + clothes when you have severe sensory issues and are overwhelmed by shopping environments?”

I have a few strategies, so let’s dive in.

If you’re trying things on in person:

• If at all possible, go early in the day on a weekday. If you can do it, it’s even worth taking a half personal day from work. This cuts down on 80% of the stimulus of being in a store, namely, other people. You’ll have a salesperson’s full attention and you can put them to work finding things for you, instead of trying to find what you need amongst thousands of items.

• Speaking of the overwhelm of too many choices, you must know what you’re looking for when you go shopping. Make a list of what you need and be specific. Looking for “work clothes” is incredibly overwhelming, but looking for a pair of “high rise black pants with a pleated waist and wide legs in a non-synthetic fabric” narrows down your choices to the point that you can zip into a store and quickly see (or ask) if they have the thing you’re looking for. If they do, great, try them on. If they don’t, also great, because you didn’t waste time and energy looking through every garment in the store, getting overwhelmed, frustrated, and sidetracked from your plan. 

• To the extent that it’s possible, make sure you are rested and in a good place mentally. Trying on clothes can be incredibly draining and emotional and if you’re exhausted, you won’t get very far before you start to shut down. What I’m trying to say is, acknowledge how hard this will be before you go. Don’t try to fit it in between errands or when you’re rushed. 

• Bring water and snacks. Self explanatory.

Having said of that, the biggest way I cut down on sensory stress is by shopping online. Shopping online is often the only option anyway for those of us whose bodies deviate too far from the “ideal” body: larger, shorter, taller. Most stores don’t carry a wide range of sizes in store, and those that do may not be to your taste.

When you order online, I consider that “bringing the dressing room to you”. You need to order as many items as you would try on in a store and you need to be ok with as many items not working out as if you were in a dressing room in a store and just leaving things behind (I acknowledge the financial privilege required to be able to do this). Just FYI, among my one-on-one clients, the average rate of return of items we’ve tried on is 90%. That’s because women’s bodies of any size are too unique and varied to fit into a mass produced item.*

When shopping online, try to adhere to all the same tips as above, have a list, know what you’re looking for, be rested, be prepared for a draining experience, etc. The added bonus of bringing the dressing room to you is that you get to decide what that dressing room is like. 

• You control the space. Set yourself up in the space in your home you feel most comfortable in. 

• You control the mirror setup. I always recommend trying things on away from a mirror to tune into how the clothing feels before you see how it looks (“how it looks” has so many layers of complexity. How it looks to you is probably very different to how others see you because they don’t have all the baggage attached to your image that you do. Also, to the extent that is realistic, my hope is that all of us move toward prioritizing our needs over being a pleasing sight to others).

• You control the temperature. Set up a fan if you know you know you get hot trying things on. 

• You control the sound level. No blaring ambient store playlists.

• You control the lighting. Make it what feels good to you. 

• You control the timing. You can take your time, but you can also decide when in the day works best for you, when you have the most energy and resilience.

• As with shopping in person, try to allow for some recovery time. Know that you’ll be drained and feeling some emotions that you may need to process.

As humans socialized as women, we’ve been made to believe that shopping is something we inherently know how to do and also enjoy. That’s not the case for many women. There’s no shame around not enjoying the process and doing what you can to make it easier on yourself. I hope this helps. 

Stay tuned: Thursday’s discussion thread will be about which clothing is best for sensory needs and I have a post planned soon about all the logistics of shopping online.

*Buckle up for a long side note, from a post on my blog earlier this year.

A hundred years ago, for the most part, either you made your own clothes or you paid someone else to make them for you. Either way, the clothes were made specifically for you, for your specific body shape and measurements. 

Did you know that men’s clothes are designed with the knowledge and recognition (assumption) that all men’s bodies will vary in shape and size? Pants are often sold unhemmed because it’s assumed that the ratio between men’s waists and their inseams will vary. I learned only recently that men’s clothing is also made with fabric allowances to let out or take in to fit to the body of the person buying the garment. It’s almost as if they know that no item will fit every unique person. 🤔

Imagine if women’s clothes were made like that, to acknowledge the fact that EVERY single person buying the item will need to make changes to it to have it fit their body. 

Not only are women’s clothes *not* made with a diversity of bodies in mind, women’s clothing manufacturers will actually design clothes to fit a mythical body and then search for the one human on earth who fits those dimensions to be their fit model. If they have a hard time finding one person to fit into their clothes, how are the rest of us supposed to do it? 

And don’t get me started on the inconsistency of sizing (skip to 1:10 in this video for the history). 

I wish there was a better solution to this problem than trying on a ton of items to try to hit the fit lottery, making your own clothes, or blowing up the entire fashion industry and starting over, but at the moment, there’s not. 

So, just a reminder: your body isn’t wrong, your clothes just weren’t made for you.