I'm pleased that today's topic focuses on embracing our ever changing bodies. In my session with Dacy I revealed that I experienced four major body changes throughout these 65 years. The first in college when I was publicly shamed. The result was that I starved myself to malnutrition and was hospitalized. The second at 38 when medications forced dramatic weight gain and then dramatic weight loss. Third at 45 for reasons unknown, but probably perimenopausal when I restricted food in retaliation. Lastly at 60 when I spent 18 months abusing alcohol. I think my poor body, now at the comfortable resting weight I always returned to, is in a bit of shock following a lifetime of upheaval.
Last night when I showed my best friend my newly organized closets (they are so pretty), she responded, "You have a lot of clothes!" It wasn't a judgment. It was unadulterated shock. I responded "That's what happens when you're dying. You rebel against your body decaying by adorning it. It really was the only way I could cope." She wrote back, "I love that concept."
My body is mature. I have jowls and stretch marks, my belly is soft, breasts sag, thighs are wrinkly. Very wrinkly. This body carried me through massive traumas. It hasn't given up either emaciated or fat, properly nourished or suffering disordered eating, dying or embracing a medical miracle. It carries me. And for that I am grateful every time I look in the mirror and see Grandpa Doc looking back. I smile and refresh my lipstick.
Thank you, Dacy. Today when I shared with a friend who couldn't understand why I acted as I did, she responded this way.
"It’s an interesting idea that one would rebel against physical decay by adorning one’s body. So many people — as my mother seemed to have — would choose to do the opposite, to abandon, dissociate from the body that is decaying. That’s an act of self-love."
Her final sentence, "That's an act of self-love," reminded me of you, Dacy, of how you tell us that we honor ourselves when we take care to clothe our bodies in ways that make us feel comfortable, confident, and free. Something special happens here.
Anita, your comments moved me so much I’m sending them to my sister - I see our own mom in your friend’s thought and it’s so profound and so sad I’m in tears and filled with compassion. Thank you. 💗
I love the idea of normalizing change! Change isn't "wrong" or "bad", it's simply change. The other day I smiled in the work bathroom mirror and because of the combination of winter dry skin and harsh lighting I could see for the first time where my old lady cheek wrinkles will appear. They aren't visible now in most circumstances but I kinda went "huh, that's interesting" and went about my day giving thanks to my 15-year old self. Around that age I decided that if I was going to have lines in my face when I was older, I wanted them to be laugh lines, not scowl lines. I started practicing smiling and laughing--I had to practice, because life was miserable. Now I can look in the mirror though and think hooray former self, good choice.
Anyway--one thing I am working on in my sewing practice is designing clothes that will fluctuate with a size or two. I've developed some pants and shorts that have a flat front but elasticized back waist. I'm working on some dress ideas. Clothes should adjust to fit your body, not the other way around.
Dacy, I wanted to share that you've had a real impact on me (as well as reading Burnt Toast and listening to Maintenance Phase.) This past weekend, I tried on every single item of clothing in my closets and in my dresser. I got rid of so many things. I was tired of hanging on to things that "might fit one day again" and just kept what fit me right now. Now, I do not dread going into my closet because I know things will fit when I grab them. I shared this process/experience on Facebook and so many women responded to my post. All bodies are different and should be valued and we are also so much more than just our bodies.
Also, as I went through all of my clothes, some of which I had kept from my 20s, I thought about how much time I had wasted worrying about my size over the years. Starting in late elementary school! It would be funny if it wasn't so sad. I'm not going to do that anymore (or at least try - the insidious culture can make it hard sometime.) Thank you for everything you've shared here!
I, too, shared my experience on Facebook and in real life. Two friends-in-the-flesh joined me in Mission Closet Declutter. One is a man who lives with many of the same issues some of us do - multiple sizes in his closet, frustration each morning seeking what fits while trying not to feel bad about what doesn't, rapidly vacillating waistline so reluctant to toss absolutely everything that doesn't fit today. It is freeing to open my closet doors and look at all of the pretty clothes waiting for me to wear. Yes, Dacy, thank you. You've added joy to my life as well.
I'm so happy for you! PS if someone's body really fluctuates a lot, it's perfectly fine to keep the clothes you love that you feel fairly confident will get used again, I only don't condone when it prompts someone to try and unrealistically change their body into something it doesn't want to be. And again, anything that doesn't fit today needs to be stored in some way so that you don't see it every day.
Kathryn is right and WHOA I was not ready. I have been one size my entire adult life (minus one pregnancy and the one time I ever dieted). I am now 2-3 sizes bigger* and on the plus (literally, ha!) size, when my clothes fit well, I feel fine - thanks to Dacy for normalizing buying things when I need them! I definitely struggle with that.
But. But. It’s harder to live in this bigger body, to be as physical as I like to be, to fit on an amusement park ride with my daughter, to rest comfortably. And I am so confused about how to reconcile my honest beliefs that bodies change and bigger is not negative with those realities. It’s a real intellectual and emotional quandary.
*had all the tests, passed with flying colors - doc (bless her) said “what your body is telling us is it’s happy at this size!”
I'm pleased that today's topic focuses on embracing our ever changing bodies. In my session with Dacy I revealed that I experienced four major body changes throughout these 65 years. The first in college when I was publicly shamed. The result was that I starved myself to malnutrition and was hospitalized. The second at 38 when medications forced dramatic weight gain and then dramatic weight loss. Third at 45 for reasons unknown, but probably perimenopausal when I restricted food in retaliation. Lastly at 60 when I spent 18 months abusing alcohol. I think my poor body, now at the comfortable resting weight I always returned to, is in a bit of shock following a lifetime of upheaval.
Last night when I showed my best friend my newly organized closets (they are so pretty), she responded, "You have a lot of clothes!" It wasn't a judgment. It was unadulterated shock. I responded "That's what happens when you're dying. You rebel against your body decaying by adorning it. It really was the only way I could cope." She wrote back, "I love that concept."
My body is mature. I have jowls and stretch marks, my belly is soft, breasts sag, thighs are wrinkly. Very wrinkly. This body carried me through massive traumas. It hasn't given up either emaciated or fat, properly nourished or suffering disordered eating, dying or embracing a medical miracle. It carries me. And for that I am grateful every time I look in the mirror and see Grandpa Doc looking back. I smile and refresh my lipstick.
That's beautiful, Anita.
Thank you, Dacy. Today when I shared with a friend who couldn't understand why I acted as I did, she responded this way.
"It’s an interesting idea that one would rebel against physical decay by adorning one’s body. So many people — as my mother seemed to have — would choose to do the opposite, to abandon, dissociate from the body that is decaying. That’s an act of self-love."
Her final sentence, "That's an act of self-love," reminded me of you, Dacy, of how you tell us that we honor ourselves when we take care to clothe our bodies in ways that make us feel comfortable, confident, and free. Something special happens here.
Anita, your comments moved me so much I’m sending them to my sister - I see our own mom in your friend’s thought and it’s so profound and so sad I’m in tears and filled with compassion. Thank you. 💗
Just seeing this comment but yes.
I love the idea of normalizing change! Change isn't "wrong" or "bad", it's simply change. The other day I smiled in the work bathroom mirror and because of the combination of winter dry skin and harsh lighting I could see for the first time where my old lady cheek wrinkles will appear. They aren't visible now in most circumstances but I kinda went "huh, that's interesting" and went about my day giving thanks to my 15-year old self. Around that age I decided that if I was going to have lines in my face when I was older, I wanted them to be laugh lines, not scowl lines. I started practicing smiling and laughing--I had to practice, because life was miserable. Now I can look in the mirror though and think hooray former self, good choice.
Anyway--one thing I am working on in my sewing practice is designing clothes that will fluctuate with a size or two. I've developed some pants and shorts that have a flat front but elasticized back waist. I'm working on some dress ideas. Clothes should adjust to fit your body, not the other way around.
Totally advocate for fluctuation friendly wardrobes!
Dacy, I wanted to share that you've had a real impact on me (as well as reading Burnt Toast and listening to Maintenance Phase.) This past weekend, I tried on every single item of clothing in my closets and in my dresser. I got rid of so many things. I was tired of hanging on to things that "might fit one day again" and just kept what fit me right now. Now, I do not dread going into my closet because I know things will fit when I grab them. I shared this process/experience on Facebook and so many women responded to my post. All bodies are different and should be valued and we are also so much more than just our bodies.
Also, as I went through all of my clothes, some of which I had kept from my 20s, I thought about how much time I had wasted worrying about my size over the years. Starting in late elementary school! It would be funny if it wasn't so sad. I'm not going to do that anymore (or at least try - the insidious culture can make it hard sometime.) Thank you for everything you've shared here!
I'm not crying, you're crying! 😢❤️ I'm so glad you're here and that what I've shared has been helpful. That's the only reason why I do this!!!
I, too, shared my experience on Facebook and in real life. Two friends-in-the-flesh joined me in Mission Closet Declutter. One is a man who lives with many of the same issues some of us do - multiple sizes in his closet, frustration each morning seeking what fits while trying not to feel bad about what doesn't, rapidly vacillating waistline so reluctant to toss absolutely everything that doesn't fit today. It is freeing to open my closet doors and look at all of the pretty clothes waiting for me to wear. Yes, Dacy, thank you. You've added joy to my life as well.
I'm so happy for you! PS if someone's body really fluctuates a lot, it's perfectly fine to keep the clothes you love that you feel fairly confident will get used again, I only don't condone when it prompts someone to try and unrealistically change their body into something it doesn't want to be. And again, anything that doesn't fit today needs to be stored in some way so that you don't see it every day.
Kathryn is right and WHOA I was not ready. I have been one size my entire adult life (minus one pregnancy and the one time I ever dieted). I am now 2-3 sizes bigger* and on the plus (literally, ha!) size, when my clothes fit well, I feel fine - thanks to Dacy for normalizing buying things when I need them! I definitely struggle with that.
But. But. It’s harder to live in this bigger body, to be as physical as I like to be, to fit on an amusement park ride with my daughter, to rest comfortably. And I am so confused about how to reconcile my honest beliefs that bodies change and bigger is not negative with those realities. It’s a real intellectual and emotional quandary.
*had all the tests, passed with flying colors - doc (bless her) said “what your body is telling us is it’s happy at this size!”
It’s absolutely harder. and it’s unfamiliar, which is usually uncomfortable regardless.
Next change comes with menopause......hold onto your hat, Dacy!
for reals